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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is MIL really in pain?

4 replies

LowFatMilkshake · 19/02/2007 22:14

Basically MIL has recently started having back problems and issues with the scar area from her hysterectomy (sp) which was done over 10 years ago. So she told SIL she could'nt babysit her DC's while she went back to work, after that being the plan for over a year. SIL felt let down and told MIL and FIL in future to phone before visits and they would see the DC's once a week or so from now on, instead of popping in almost daily.

SIL has also mentioned to me she thinks MIL is playing on niggle in he back as being more than it is for sympathy and to make people feel sympathy for her (she can be manipulative when she wants - no question there)

However MIL has no job and hates where she lives so I am worried she may become depressed at staring at 4 walls all day. So I called her today and she sounded so down. She said she had'nt been out in nearly a fortnight, not even her weekly hair-do, although BIL took DC's to her at the weekend. She said her only exercise is to pace the living room.

She complained her belly has become puffy. She's got some tests later this week and sounded so anxious. But when I told DH, he said she had'nt mentioned anything to him about her back and tummy, all he knew was about an onging ear problem.

So now I wonder if she has a problem which she is too embarrased to tell her DS's about, but tells thier wives. (in the past she has also told me about her and FIL's bedroom behaviours as she had no one else to talk to about them (very uncomfortable conversation and DH did'nt want to know a word of it when I told him)

Or if there is no problem at all but she knows SIL and I talk to each other so makes sure we both know the same

OP posts:
LucyJones · 19/02/2007 22:19

Tbh your SIL doesn't sound very nice. If MIL doesn't want to look after her children, for whatever reason, it seems very churlish to limit access to them.

3littlefrogs · 19/02/2007 22:22

Just a brief reply - but reading between the lines, she could actually be ill / in pain with a new condition or from the previous surgery. The only way she is going to know is to be examined by a doctor. Could you talk to her and find out if she has been to see her GP? I may be wrong, but the way i see it, if she is ill, you are all going to feel terrible if no-one took her seriously.

sorry -I just saw that she has got some tests later in the week. I guess If I were in her shoes I would be anxious too. Maybe it is a gynaecological worry that she is too embarrassed to tell the men about. Maybe you could just offer her some moral support?

LowFatMilkshake · 19/02/2007 22:27

TBH both are as bad as each other - but SIL is very outspoken and has come to the end of her tether after over 2 years of almost daily visits from our IL's

IL's are no angels either. MIL stirs within the family and keeps secrets and makes akward situationsand FIL has snapped at SIL's friends and thier children when they've been at her house same time as him and according to SIL, nearly fallen on her DC when tipsy!

Normally I leave them to it, but it's not like MIL to miss her hair apt etc. I think limiting access to her GC's has been the crux and if she is poorly is probably one thing too much.

We live 2 hours away and so she only see's our DC's pnce every 4-6 weeks.

OP posts:
LowFatMilkshake · 19/02/2007 22:29

That's why I phoned her, but she's more concerned as both and us BIL have had a DC in the hosptial this week! So she steered the conversation to them.

She's going to phone on Thursday before the tests so i will have another chat with her then.

I would offer to come stay woth us for a few days to get her away, but we dont have the room, unless she slept on a put-u-up on the living room floor - not good for a bad back!

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