I had an abusive childhood. The kind where you press charges, receive compensation, cut off the abusive parent, etc. 
I've had no contact with my dad for about 16 years now. He was an alcoholic and a paedophile. On the flip side to his personality he had a responsible job, friends, was on the board of parent governors, etc. He taught me to cook, to love music, all the while being a functional alcoholic and abusing me.
As the eldest I remember more. My mum crying trying to make her shopping list add up, feeling hungry, my cousins who's dad had the exact same job having so much more, the cheap shoes I got teased for, not immediately recognising the feeling of safety when a family friend tucked me into bed one night instead of my dad, the drink driving, the strong smell of coffee or beer.......
My mum has always been very childlike and has alluded to suspecting what he was like, but never doing anything about it. He left for another woman rather than her kicking him out. As older children we did a LOT around the house, I think as a way of her coping she just delegated everything to us kids.
When it all came out about the abuse it was all about her, how bad she felt, what a shock it was, what a struggle, etc. She has always been rather self involved.
Even now as an adult I think every day about it all. I feel sad. I feel angry, I feel let down. I suffer from anxiety and depression on and off. I see my mum but keep her at arms length. Haven't seen her so far over xmas week and no real desire to. I often come away from seeing her feeling very disconnected and angry.
I don't want to be carrying all these negative feelings around. I feel tired and deeply sad. In the moment with my partner and child I am happy and content, but it is always at the back of my mind lurking.