Seeing In-Laws

[Weegle]

How do you go about not being walked over by in-laws? When we stay with the IL's (I'm talking DH's sibling) we do things "their" way. This I think is fair enough - their house, their rules. But when they stay with us they show no respect for our way of doing things. I want us to have a relationship with them, for DS to know his cousins, for DH to see them etc but I find it so so stressful. Also when your DH's neices/nephews behave (IMO) badly and dangerously in your home but their parents don't tell them off do you ignore it? DS (baby) was fed blu-tak by his cousins yet they weren't told off, also had his food nicked, and toys taken off him and waved in his face just out of reach and basically taunted, as well as numerous other things. I felt I couldn't say anything as their parents weren't saying anything but feel terrible that I was basically failing to protect my son but didn't want to rock the boat. How on earth do you handle this? Will it get better as DS gets older and can communicate/move out of the way/stand up for himself or worse in that their behaviour will rub off on him and he'll think it's unfair that his parents don't let him get away with the same? For those with older children, how do you enforce your standards of behaviour when you are staying with people whose children are allowed to do things which your children are not allowed to do? I just don't see how it can work and everyone get along!

Dont sit back and take it. you tell the children off. if im at my sil, and the boys are doig something naughty, and if i dont see it, or am far away etc, then i fully expect her to tell them off.

he will end up picked on by them if it continues for yrs.

how old are they?

They are 5 and 4, and my son is 8 months. I just find it so difficult to say anything when their parents are sat watching but don't say anything. I don't want to come across as the over-protective mum of a PFB!!!

IMO, they are old enough to be aware of what they are doing, and as such, should be told off. If she is not prepared to do it, you should, at least whilst your child is a baby. It will get easier as he gets older and can retaliate and protect himself to a certain degree,but it is difficult with that age gap. The little ones want to play with the bigger ones but the older children don't want the young ones spoiling their fun.

I would definitely say something. I wouldn't let a child do that to a baby even if their parents were there but said nothing. I'd also speak to the parents and tell them that the behaviour is unacceptable.

you have to stand up for your family and yourself. they won't stop doing this until you lay down the law. they'll respect you for it and it's good to know what the boundaries are. you can just say 'rules of the house, no stealing each other's food!'.

when you say you do things their way in their house, what is their way? do they not discipline at all at home?

In their house they threaten discipline quite a bit but I've rarely seen it carried out. It involves a naughty step or smacking. It normally results in absolute screaming (by everyone) if they do carry it out. They get praised a lot for what I would consider a basic level of behaviour. I would say they are treated more like 3 and 1 than their actual age, when I compare them to friend's children. e.g. the 5 year old is praised for eating his food (with a spoon) without throwing it across the table. I think at 5 that should be a given! The 4 year old is fed by his parents. This is their choice, what I don't like is the danger my DS seems to get put in. And even without the danger (because obviously after the blu-tak incident I didn't leave him unattended by me or DH) I don't like the attitude that their kids can do anything to my DS but DS was told off for grabbing the 5 year olds face - it was in his and he's a baby! I just don't get it!

How annoying. I tell my SIL's children off when they bash ds. I know they disapprove as they prefer discussing the act and explaining why it was wrong but when they are in my home they get a short sharp lud "no". Nephew stood on ds' arm in order to grab toy off him (standing accidental but toy grabbing very intentional) so I shouted no and grabbed ds. If they don't like it they don't have to come over.

loud, not lud

you're totally within your rights to tell them off to protect your ds!