How do I stop the thoughts - dh left in July

[settingsails2017]

Dh left me in July: emotional affair, blamed me for basically everything that ever happenend in his life etc. It might just be the first Christmas without him but I am still really struggling. Have been thinking about it non-stop the last couple of days, been teary. Shouldn't I be further on by now? Its been almost 6 months.

I have been trying to tell myself 'stop' and try to focus on the here and now, but the thoughts keep creeping back in. Has anyone got any book recommendation with strategies etc to try and train myself to refocus my thoughts iykwim?

Thank you.

Here you go!

www.amazon.co.uk/Can-Mend-Your-Broken-Heart-x/dp/0593055772

Has your H moved on with someone else? I wonder if his reluctance to let go is holding you back.

Also when he blames you it's easy to look inward and a certain amount of that is helpful as taking some responsibility is healthy and helps you to growth.However you have to draw a line and make sure you are not ruminating.CBT can help with this.

I am just a few monthst behind you in separating and feel very much like you.I want to know why a previously good marriage went bad.I'm not sure you are supposed to be over it yet, especially if a reasonably long marriage and all the practical issues of a divorce are not yet complete.

Thank you, everyone. Very helpful and I will follow up the recommendations. Hermonie, I am sorry you are going to similar. He had an EA with someone but they are not together. She has rejected him as a partner and has moved away to be closer to her family. No idea whether he is with someone now.

I don't miss him as a person anymore (he showed too many bad sides in the separation process) and emotionally I am a lot further on than months ago, but I feel left alone with all the practicalities and his reluctance to engage is making it so much harder. It's like as if he thought he could just walk away and everything connected with our marriage would disolve into thin air.