How to survive staying with family...

[Misty9]

Am away for Christmas with my family, my mother and her husband, my brother and his family, and my brother and partner. It's all innocuous enough, but lots of water under the bridge from childhood (which was not a happy time for me) and I just can't relax. I feel really on edge and reacting negatively to everything. But I can't seem to stop it and it's making things worse :(

Currently hiding in my bedroom while dh and the kids, and the rest of them, are in the living room. Have got two more days of this - how do I survive?! For context, relationship with mother is pretty toxic and her husband is a short tempered rude man.

Help!

All I can suggest is that you promise yourself you won't put yourself through this again - why are you there?

Why are you making your DH and kids spend christmas with your toxic and rude family ?

Why don't you just leave early?

Am considering trying to leave early tomorrow. Why are we here? Because we couldn't not come without causing lots more stress and emotional trauma. Don't worry though, I do not intend to repeat it! Christmas at home from now on.

I just feel like I'm the problem.

If you didnt go, how would you , your DH and your children have stress and emotional trauma ? Wouldn't you be at home having a lovely Christmas ?

We would be at home having a lovely (as lovely as Christmas with DC under 5 is!) But the fallout from not going would be significant... so am setting expectations now with our decision to have Christmas as home from now on.

Have survived today with minimal snarky commentary...and off to dh family party tomorrow for some respite

Doesn't anyone else spend time with family but not particularly enjoy it?!

Same here. I love my parents but it's my brother with his little jibes and worse, his son doing the same!

Just hang on in there. It's only once a year.

Yes I spend time with family and don't particularly enjoy it all the time.

But I don't expect my husband and kids to spend time with family who are toxic, short tempered and rude. And I certainly wouldn't go away with or stay at the home of such people , where's there's no escape.

You have been bullied into going. You went because you HOPED it would be ok. This was a mistake. It's not going wrong because of you, they are making you feel that.
You need boundaries e.g., we will always have our Xmas at home, we will visit u but not overnight.
Life is too short for this bullshit.