Missing ex terribly.

[Mynameismummy37]

I don't think I can do it any more, it's literally eating me up inside and I can't cope.

He's my dcs father and we broke up 3 years ago and I constantly pine for him, I've been on dates with other men but they're just not him. He has a gf and it breaks my heart that he wants to be with her and not me, he spent today with us and when he was getting ready to leave I almost cried in front of him when I asked him not to go, but obviously he has to.
I don't know why I feel this way and know I shouldn't after so long and have never tried to jeopardise his relationship but I love him wholeheartedly and when he's here I feel complete and safe.

Now he's gone and at home with her I'm laying on my bed sobbing feeling empty I don't want to be without our him and come home with our dcs on my own.
How do I push these feelings away and move on? I've never felt this way about anyone before and was always able to just carry but he's different.

I instigated the split too. Not that I've had the opportunity to start a new relationship but I thought that might resolve things.
mystery I'm not trying to be flippant here but do you feel you are just going through the motions with your new man then.

Yes I probably do feel like I'm going through the motions, he moved into my house a few months ago and I thought that would help me to get over it but I think it's made it worse! I don't know what to do or whether it's just my mindset right now. I'm it allowing myself to be happy

It's just a vicious circle isn't it, going round and around the same crap. I hope the fresh start of 2017 will help all of us to move on once and for all. I truly believe there is happiness ahead. There's some great suggestions on this thread. Best wishes to all.

You cannot easily control your feelings all the time, but you can control your actions. Focus on that part even if it's just going through the motions. Time will heal but only if you allow it.

Sorry for the long reply I've been out all day.

redmaple yes he spent the day 'under my roof'
The dcs are 6 and are very aware that their dad doesn't live here, they don't really know any different so it's not confusing to them to see him here and then leave, it's something we are all used to.

I also think the main reason why I'm not with anyone is because I don't want to hurt another person because I'm not fully over him and it just wouldn't be fair.
In the past he has said things to me that he does miss both myself and the dcs and does regret leaving, but I think he's scared to come back and we end up back in the same situation or he just doesn't love me, even though he says he does
It's confusing.

No wonder you're confused and can't move on. Too much contact and him saying he loves you, that's just not on.
He has no need to enter you home really, your children are old enough to go out to the car and meet him, you don't need to see him at all. Emails/texts to a minimum, only stuff concerning the children, nothing else.
He's not being fair to you, he should make things clear, then you'll know where you stand completely. Short term it will hurt but in the long run you will be better off. You're just in limbo atm. I know how that feels, it's just the worst.

It's no consolation, but I know exactly how you feel.

I still haven't heard back from him, so I've sent him a message basically saying that I cannot continue to have him in my life and from now on contact will only be about our dcs.
I know it's going to be hard I was in tears writing the txt but I have to do something, he's happy I guess with his gf and certainly doesn't want to be with me I just have to pull up my big girl pants and deal with it.

Sometimes our feelings rationally say for me my ex is in the wind with her new man but in my heart the love is still there even though logically I should be as cold as ice.

That is exactly how I feel global
The love will always be there, I can feel it but maybe it isn't the right type of love.

That's great Myname you've made the first step. I think you're right too, in saying about the love always being there but we can't let it keep us a prisoner that prevents us from moving forward.

I should be as cold as ice. Global I don't think being like this will do us any good anyway, that'd make us bitter and resentful wouldn't it?

Buttered what I ment was considering my ex is with her new man and has been for sometime then logically it puzzles me because in my heart there is part of me that still loves her but realistically given the length of time we have been apart its strange as to why the love is still there.

It's not strange to me at all Global
When our loved ones die and we've not seen them for years and years the love is still there isn't it.
We're lucky to have know a love to last like this really. But we can have other love, and love again.