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Am to moany apparently

10 replies

Dizzywizz · 25/12/2016 21:43

According to dh I always moan and groan. I have a life limiting chronic condition, sometimes I have better days and sometimes I overdo it and feel terrible (like today). Dh unplugs my phone that I have just plugged in and plugs his in - when I say mine needs charging to (though not as low battery as his) he eventually goes and plugs it in to a charger that does not work and says this - he could have plugged it in to a charger just near it or just had a normal discussion about how he doesn't know where the charger is.

When I say he seems pissed off unreasonably, he says I am always moaning and groaning about everything (not just my illness). Which upsets me, now I am crying, he is not worth speaking to about this as he doesn't listen or discuss anything.

Should I be more positive? How can I be?! I feel like I just talk to him about what is actually happening with me - which is generally shit - and anyway I have nothing going on in my life just kids - work - pain. He never responds to me anyway, it is very hard to have a conversation with.

Is this my life? I am so unhappy with him at the moment, although of course I love my kids.

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mumonashoestring · 25/12/2016 21:46

Does he always react that badly when you point out that he's done something daft and ask him to undo/mitigate it?

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OohhThatsMe · 25/12/2016 21:51

Would it be easier to separate and have shared care, OP? You would get some respite from household duties for some of the week, at least, and you would get some time apart, too.

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Dizzywizz · 25/12/2016 22:00

Mumonashoestring yes, well it's always my fault - he just twists it a bit. But I always think of him! I would never just unplug his phone, I would try to have a conversation!!

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Dizzywizz · 25/12/2016 22:03

Oohthatsme but that's not easy is it. And what would I be entitled to? And what about the children, and our home... and don't think I could cope on my own, although he is at work 80 hours a week as has his own business. I struggle to cope with the children, I am so stressed all the time. I am just struggling to cope full stop.

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OohhThatsMe · 25/12/2016 22:32

Of course it's not easy, but your life at the moment isn't, either.

This website will tell you what you're entitled to.

This is the child maintenance calculator.

If he's at work all those hours, then he's not helping you at all anyway, is he?

I'm not saying you should leave him, just that you should know it's an option.

You could also go for joint counselling but if he doesn't listen and doesn't talk, then that might be a waste of time.

It must be really hard for you and I'm so sorry, but if you do nothing, things will just stay the same.

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Dizzywizz · 26/12/2016 05:21

Thanks Oohthatsme, that's really kind of you, I will have a look. I have thought of counselling but there is no way he would agree.

And Of course when we got into bed he was expecting sex!!! (And of course didn't get it). What planet are some people on??

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endofthelinefinally · 26/12/2016 06:21

He sounds awful.
He is making things worse for you I think.
Does he make your life easier/better in any way?

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Dizzywizz · 26/12/2016 07:36

Yes he helps me out in lots of ways - I try to remind myself of this. At the weekend, when he's not working, he's totally hands on with the kids. If I go out (occasional) he will get up with the kids in the morning. I get to rest a lot at the weekend, but I am also made to feel bad about this but am I projecting??

I have depression and anxiety as well as panic attacks plus my physical illness! (ms). I myself am not easy to live with I don't think, and a lot different physically and mentally to the 16 year old he met 18 years ago!! Which makes me feel sorry for him.

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HappyJanuary · 26/12/2016 08:54

I don't know whether his comment about you moaning was fair or not, but if it is how he feels then I think you need to have a proper discussion about it rather than dismissing it or saying he's wrong or sweeping it under the carpet.

If he is working long hours and then giving you lots of rest on the weekend then you are both struggling for leisure time and not finding much time for each other.

I would acknowledge the fact that your illnesses and anxiety are hard to live with, and explain that you are struggling, with a view to seeing what can be done to support you and so make life more pleasant for you both.

You could both make a list of the things that are bothering you most, and see if anything can be done about any of them.

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Dizzywizz · 27/12/2016 13:21

Thanks happy January. I think the trouble is I feel he doesn't care as he doesn't really ask how I am, so I feel I have to tell him and maybe that comes across as moany.

I used to be a lot more positive and I have ordered a mindfulness book to try and get myself back on track.