Dh and I have been together over ten years. We have 3dc between 9 and 4. Youngest two both have special needs. I'm a sahm (I couldn't return to work as the DC needed care). Dh works ft. In a busy job now. He says he prefers to work late at the office because it's easier to get things done so I do bedtime which is awful alone mostly.
I've reached a point where I'm indifferent yet seething with resentment. He complains about his lack of leisure time. Recently it was my birthday and he didn't even get me a present. The kids were gutted he didn't let them buy me anything. He does nothing in the week (fair enough he works ft). Youngest has serious sleep issues. Emotionally I'm exhausted. I feel he ignores me. He doesn't engage in much chatter with me and I'm beginning to feel like a slave. In 12 odd years he has cleaned our bathroom once and ironed maybe twice. I get most done in the week but youngest is extremely hard work. He barely looks into their condition, works on therapies or even takes an interest in how their therapies have gone. He has little interest in their education and feels school should do it during school hours. I've calmly told him how I feel countless times. There's never even a token gesture of some ironing done. He's always tired. Yet he complaints I'm not affectionate (previously he's groped my bottom and breasts) yet I can't bring myself to be as I feel he doesn't listen to me. I feel invisible and under appreciated yet he says he understands yet nothing changes. His mother for years has ignored me pretty much and he's never once picked her up quietly on it (we've lessened contact instead). I feel myself detaching from him because I feel so undervalued. Even on days where my youngest has screamed for hours and trashed the house and my middle DC has abused me after school by shouting and screaming I've never put pressure on him to leave work early. Our latest arguement has been about money as all the savings go into his name (I've asked him numerous times to shift some to mine) and he was moving my benefits into his savings account. He was cross when I locked the account.
When I met him my self esteem was low after my ex cheated. He makes me feel I'm being unreasonable but I feel lonely. Really painfully lonely. I know some articles say if you give more you'll get more back but I can't knock down the wall. Part of me is wondering if maybe I'm not worth the interest. He's not a horrible person. He'll nip to the shops if we need anything. But I just want to be heard. To be valued and feel special. Not have him roll his eyes when I'm not bouncy and happy when he rolls in.
I'm told you catch more flies with honey than vinegar but I just can't bring myself to be sweet anymore.