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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

DNA FOR IMMIGRATION

17 replies

hollybabe · 22/12/2016 21:28

Hello
Not sure if I'm posting in the right section. Just need to vent. You may think I'm horrible.
"Father" has requested a DNA for his immigration application. I hate him.
Thing is not 100% sure if LO is his anyway. Had intercourse with a previous person. Three weeks later had a period and took a pregnancy test which came back negative. Then met and had intercourse with "father" and fell pregnant. Thing is I'm wondering if I was already pregnant from number 1.
In hindsight and this sounds terrible but I hope "father" isn't the father. Why.......because he didn't tell me ANYTHING about his circumstances until June of this year. LO was nearly 12 weeks by then. Gosh I hate him and this sounds awful but I hope he isn't my LO father. Yeah you may say that if his circumstances were different I would be the most evil person for not being 100% sure if he the dad but now I just don't want to ever see him again. Have agreed to a DNA anyway taking place next week.

Just really wanted to let it all out. I may get some negative feedback but I have noone else really to express my feelings.

OP posts:

Cricrichan · 22/12/2016 21:31

At least you'll know for sure now . Though it probably is his if you had a period and a negative of test.

Sn0tnose · 22/12/2016 21:41

Assuming you are a British citizen or have settled status in the UK, he's likely to be applying for leave either partly or solely on the basis that he's the father of your child.

Does he have any kind of relationship with the baby? If he's being 'dad' then that's one thing, but if he has had no interest in seeing your child until this point, then you need to consider how you feel about him using your baby to obtain leave to remain.

If that is what he has done, you could write to the Home Office to inform them that he has no relationship with the child, but you'd probably have to give them permission to disclose what you've said to them. If you asked them to keep something like that confidential, then they will, but their hands will then be tied as to how much they can do.

Original poster

hollybabe · 22/12/2016 21:46

Thanks for both responses. Well it appears as my GP said that you can still be pregnant and have a period. With regard to negative test it was probably because my levels weren't that high resulting in a false negative. Just trying to be optimistic u may guess that I don't want him to be dad. Btw he's taken me to court in order to get the DNA and a child arrangement order yes that's right an illegal immigrant is taking me a born and bred British citizen to court.

OP posts:

magoria · 22/12/2016 22:09

Illegal immigrant or not his child has a right to know who he is and have a relationship with him unless that would be harmful to the child.

His being an immigrant or illegal doesn't mean he would make a bad or dangerous father in the slightest.

Neither does your being a born and bread British citizen automatically mean you will be a good parent.

magoria · 22/12/2016 22:10

*bred

Sn0tnose · 22/12/2016 22:19

Btw he's taken me to court in order to get the DNA and a child arrangement order yes that's right an illegal immigrant is taking me a born and bred British citizen to court. Jesus Christ.

I know he didn't tell you about his status until June, but I'm assuming he doesn't have a British accent, so what did he say when you asked him where he was from and why he was here?

And most importantly, will he be a good dad? You need to stop making this all about you and how you feel and start thinking about your child. If he hasn't given a monkeys about the baby until he needs leave to remain, or he's anyone of a dozen things that would make him a bad parent, then fair enough, but if he would be a good dad, then you owe it to your child to let him be just that. You can't have children with people who have no leave in the UK and then expect their status to mean that they just disappear when you don't want them in your life anymore. It just doesn't work like that.

Newbrummie · 22/12/2016 22:24

This makes me laugh at our system. I am the DNA provern mother of two Aussie citizens, I can't use them as a means to stay though

Ellisandra · 22/12/2016 23:46

If you were that bothered about (a) who fathered your child and (b) that they weren't an illegal immigrant perhaps you should have used a condom?

Did you learn nothing from having to take a pregnancy test after the first man? What on earth possessed you to behave so fecklessly weeks after that pregnancy scare?

I don't think badly of you for hoping the father is not a man you dislike. I'm sure I would too. But it sounds like it is. It is unlikely that a 3+ week difference in date of sex wouldn't have been picked up in your 12 week scan - dating is not an exact science, but there's a fair diffeeence between a 12 and 15 week baby.

I think it is right that an illegal immigrant can take you to a British court for contact, because that is in the best interests of your British child.

I also think it's right that the Home Office can decide whether this man can stay.

If you have good reason why this man should not see his child, then tell the court. If it's just that you don't like him, your child's right to a father trumps that.

Ellisandra · 22/12/2016 23:48

Anyway he may not have been an illegal immigrant when you weren't bothering with contraception. Is he a visa over stayer? He may have been perfectly legal before - just without leave to remain.

twattymctwatterson · 23/12/2016 01:43

Well really he shouldn't have to take you to court should he? You're obviously blocking access and it sounds like you're doing so out of personal dislike rather than having your baby's best interest at heart

mamakena · 23/12/2016 03:11

Newbrummie, me too, I'm the mother of 2 US citizens but can't use that for anything... but, OP apparently this person was at one time good enough to have unprotected sex with. . .and he's within his legal rights to demand the DNA, so sounds like nothing you can do really. Good luck though.

Manumission · 23/12/2016 03:20

yes that's right an illegal immigrant is taking me a born and bred British citizen to court.

Eh? So what do you think should happen? That illegal immigrants should be there to sleep with but not have access to the family courts? Like legal-non-person courtesans? Why shouldn't an illegal immigrant take a 'born and bred citizen' to court? Are you real or a tabloid journalist?

As to whether technical biological parenthood should be a route to regularising their status. Personally I'm not impressed with that as a policy and in your shoes I wouldn't be inclined to play ball any more than I was obliged to at any stage.

BUT shouldn't getting your own paternity mystery situation sorted out be your priority? You could start by arranging testing with the other chap?

user1480946351 · 23/12/2016 03:46

Well it appears as my GP said that you can still be pregnant and have a period

No you can't, you must have misunderstood what the dr said. You can be pregnant and have a bleed that you mistake for a period, but you can not have a period.

Btw he's taken me to court in order to get the DNA and a child arrangement order yes that's right an illegal immigrant is taking me a born and bred British citizen to court

Good. Thats how it should be. Why do you think otherwise?

Tollygunge · 23/12/2016 07:41

Bohemond · 23/12/2016 07:57

If you were that bothered about (a) who fathered your child and (b) that they weren't an illegal immigrant perhaps you should have used a condom?
THIS

arsenaltilidie · 23/12/2016 08:03

These bloody foregnors.. coming here taking our jobs and impregnating our women

Imscarlet · 23/12/2016 08:05

I would do it for the sake of your child. I belong to a Facebook group called DNA detective which helps people who have been adopted or where some element of their parentage is unknown to find out usings ancestry type DNA tests (I don't have any such issues, I'm just an amateur genealogist and find this stuff fascinating). The pure raw emotion that these people experience in trying to find out who their parents are is sobering. Your child will want to know, at some point, if this man is their father. By testing him now, you will save them all that anxiety in years to come. If he is not the father then it won't help his application. If he is he father, your child will want to have some sort of a relationship with him in years to come.

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