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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What should I do. Unexpected call.

22 replies

sleepingkoala · 20/12/2016 15:37

My ex called me. I saw it but didn't answer as I didn't know what to do. I was just surprised that he even still had my number and would call. It's been 5 months NC apart from a couple of emails literally just about mundane essential practical stuff which I had to reply to but no other conversation/contact in at least 4 months anyway. And then a couple of days ago he calls completely out of the blue. It was the middle of the day on a weekday.

I'm really curious about why he called. But I don't know if I should send him a text or not. He hasn't called again and I'm kinda hoping he will just so I can find out. I hope he's ok as I do still care about him and I've been tempted to text him. But I'm scared to.

What is the etiquette here? I don't want to be rude or upset him...But obviously it's strange because he's my ex. How long would someone usually wait to try calling again if they were going to at all/still wanted to? And how long can I leave it before texting him and should I contact him back at all?

I mean he could just message me or try again but he hasn't. But maybe he is annoyed that I didn't contact him back.

OP posts:

NarcsBegone · 20/12/2016 15:43

Just text saying you had a missed call from him and wondering if he called by accident.
There are 101 reasons he could have called and the only way to find out is to contact him.

I would ignore and block if he was abusive in any way.

TheNaze73 · 20/12/2016 15:44

Ignore it, sounds like he's testing the water or maybe after a quickie for old times sake.
If he really wants you, he'll call again. Don't go running back

MinesAGin · 20/12/2016 15:47

Yes, ignore it. He was probably feeling sorry for himself and thought you could give him a boost. If you call him or text him, you'll give him that boost.

RedMapleLeaf · 20/12/2016 15:48

I'd leave it. I think the fact that it's already been 2 days means something.

wannabestressfree · 20/12/2016 15:48

God you get all that from a missed call TheNaze??
If it was a bloke I knew it would be an arse call and a mistake.

WuTangFlan · 20/12/2016 15:51

Ignore it. Do contact him. If it was important he would have called back or left a message.

The fact you are worrying "maybe he is annoyed that I didn't contact him back" suggests this is not a relationship which was good for you. There is no reason for him to be annoyed in this scenario.

Fontella · 20/12/2016 15:51

Well it's obviously not important or he would have called back, left a message or emailed you.

If you've been NC for four months then why open a dialogue with him you don't need to have, by contacting him to ask why he called? It could have been a misdial, it could have been a spur of the moment thing he now regrets, it could be to wish you Happy Christmas, it could be anything. but whatever it is, it's clearly not important enough for him to try to contact you again.

Just forget about it and move on.

Cricrichan · 20/12/2016 15:57

Ignore it. If it's important he'll message or try again.

Latenightreader · 20/12/2016 16:00

I would ignore it. Did you just see a missed call on a screen? It could have been a two second wrong name dial (been there, done that), it could have been a nostalgia boost in the festive season, or it could have been an attempt at stirring. If he really wanted you to know something he'd try again or leave a message. He had that option and chose not to use it. Step away...

ifonly4 · 20/12/2016 16:12

Unless you think you'd like to give the relationship another try, I'd ignore it. He may have just wanted a chat, but you don't want him messing with your feelings by having too much contact.

WuTangFlan · 20/12/2016 16:12

Sorry, that should be do NOT contact him!!!

Benedikte2 · 20/12/2016 16:14

Contacting him may satisfy your curiosity but also may cause you more heartache. You have managed nc for some time and appear to be coping do not risk open any old wounds at this time.

NotWeavingButDarning · 20/12/2016 16:17

Ignore. Ime men in general don't spend ages reading things into people not contacting them or analysing situations like this.

If he wants/needs to talk to you he'll call again without thinking twice about it, if not, he won't bother.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 20/12/2016 16:19

He probably butt dialed you. If it's important he'll call again.

5BlueHydrangea · 20/12/2016 16:31

No message, ignore! If its important he'll call again..

OurBlanche · 20/12/2016 16:33

Oh! I know what that was! Don't reply!

He has just got round to deleting your number. He was tootling through his phone during lunch or that mid afternoon lull, came to your number and thought "That's one I won't ever need again" went to delete it but accidentally pushed the ring icon instead!

He would have slammed that red button to cut the call and spent half an hour thinking "Fuck fuck fuck! Now I look desperate!"

So do him one last favour, don't respond. Let him hold to that slim hope that he cut the call before your phone registered it

Original poster

sleepingkoala · 20/12/2016 16:43

thanks for the replies so far everyone.

I was actually looking at my phone when it happened to ring. So I just watched it ring until it stopped. Seemed about the amount of time it rings for until it goes to voicemail. And there was no silent voicemail message. Which would make a misdial less likely.

I'm really curious and getting more curious and tempted to text him but I also don't want to regret it and would obviously much rather he just called me again. Not sure what I'll do. I'll try to just leave it I guess.

OP posts:

Ilovetorrentialrain · 20/12/2016 16:57

OP how long ago was this call?

OurBlanche · 20/12/2016 17:00

Which would make a misdial less likely. No, you have misremembered that. It was a PIP call that went to voicemail - honest

He didn't ring, he didn't , he didn't...

Anything else will slowly earworm its way in and make you feel weird.

Therefore, it is absolutely true that he did NOT call

Ilovetorrentialrain · 20/12/2016 17:21

Are you still interested in him? If so, get in touch, if not, definitely just leave it.

Original poster

sleepingkoala · 20/12/2016 17:44

It was 4 days ago now. I would have thought he'd call again by now if he was going to. But I don't know. And also now I'm wondering if it's weird to even text him now after that time if I wanted to.

OP posts:

Kittencatkins123 · 20/12/2016 18:13

Why were you NC? I.e. Did you have to go NC after a shitty relationship or is that just your general policy with exes?

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