I've just searched for the Stately Homes thread but can't find it and I need to vent.
So, with the help of mners I have realised that my mother is a narcissist, and accepting, albeit struggling, that my DP is her enabler.
We get married in October, I've added a few guests which she specifically asked for and then a couple from my DF side very recently. I sent a text to my DF saying the list is now finalised and we won't be adding any more as we have received an estimate from the venue of what it's going to cost based on the numbers we have now, and it's over budget.
I've made a point, since my last post about her, of not discussing anything with her about anything really. I had to go to their house tonight to get some addresses for some save the dates that I haven't yet sent. She asks me if my uncle is invited, and uncle who she had spoken to for nearly 20 years and only began talking to him when he friend requested her on FB (this is a whole other story!) and the same uncle who gave me the cold shoulder at a family funeral last year when I tried to speak to him.
My reasons for not inviting him are nothing to do with my mother, but if he feels it's OK to ignore me based on his relationship with her then I feel it's OK not to invite him to my wedding.
Anyway, I said to her, no he is invited but I'm not discussing it with you. She then starts saying how she'll be upset as it's her brother and other people won't be happy, and if he isn't invited then my DF family members shouldn't be invited. I again said I'm not discussing it with you and if anyone has an issue with it then can come to me, she doesn't need to worry about it.
Cut a long story short, she carried on repeating herself so I told her that the reason I'd invited my DFs family members (2 of them) is because he hands asked for anything for the wedding whereas I am inviting 5 people she has specifically asked for and continued to harass me about it until I said OK then (I know I should've stood my ground). Welll all hell broke lose, she denied ever asking me about these people or even bringing them up, unfortunately I snapped and I called her a liar, I replayed the conversations to her which we had at the wedding venue and she is denying that those conversations ever took place. I'm ashamed of myself for snapping because my nieces were there and they shouldn't have witnessed it.
I told her when she's paying for my wedding, she can invite whoever she wants, and here is the bit I've been waiting for. They gave us the deposit for the venue as a wedding present, and she's obviously thrown this back at me that we'll technically they are paying for some it so they should have a say, I told her she can have the money back if it's been given I'm with conditions attached, and I genuinely will be giving her the money back.
I'm absolutely raging. I don't even know if this makes sense but I just need to rant. I'm so angry at her for lying and so angry at myself for snapping in front of my nieces.