This isn't the real deal ?

[Mumsnobest1]

I have a boyfriend. We've been together nearly two years ,Yet to be introduced to his children.

last year we spent Boxing Day together as we work together in the restaurant trade. We were at work on xmas day and his ex had the children over Christmas, he saw them before work xmas day.

This year they are all spending Boxing Day at his mothers.
He spends an afternoon every fortnight with them all every fortnight, either going out or staying at hers, doing things with the children.

I feel like perhaps this is going nowhere ? And they still have feelings for one another.

The dynamics of their relationship has changed over the year - last year he was less entwined

Perhaps this less entwined thing wasn't working for the kids though.

and whilst I'm really happy he is making more effort with the children

Of course he should do so.

I do feel put out and put off by the fact that she is so often involved in things

Because they are young kids and let's face it .... they don't see a lot of him. . . . . And who knows if he saw much of them and was involved much before the split .... they probably aren't super close with him and need their mum to be around to feel more comfortable and relaxed.

This may change as they get older and he can have contact directly with them or perhaps he'll realise he wasn't putting enough into their relationship and may want to see if they can try again .... but, you can only control your own actions and he'll do what he wants.

Have you asked to meet the kids? What's his response?

Children tie a couple together for life and they will always have a certain amount of contact. His guilt over the affair might be making him do this.

Maybe the kids were struggling with the previous arrangements.

You have to decide what you want out of the relationship and where you want it to head and communicate with him. Tell him it makes you feel put out and see what he says. Maybe he hasn't a clue you feel this way.

He left her for you, so you must have had very initiate discussions and placed a lot of trust in each other right?

It might be that he feels guilty about leaving her for you and so doesn't want to introduce you. Do his children know why he left?

I think you need to talk to him about where things are going. Him keeping such a large part of his life from you doesn't bode well for the future no matter what his reasons for doing so are.

How do you know he left her for you?

I only ask because that is what my ex told his ow, but the reality was that he begged to stay but I wouldn't have him. After two years, he still regularly asks to come home. He has days out with us, sees the children at my house, cooks meals for us.

I allow it for the dc, and for the sake of our history and amicable co-parenting. I know he likes a slice of 'family life' and keeps thinking I might change my mind.

So, is it possible your dp is experiencing something similar? Even if not, I'm afraid it does not look like he sees you as 'forever' or he would be excitedly integrating you into his life.

Well I imagine the begging phone calls and texts for a few months tell me that he left her and not the other way round. She wanted him back for a long time, that was known by mutual friends etc.

Well yes that would suggest that he left her.

So then maybe he just feels guilty about the way he treated her, and is keeping you apart from his dc out of respect for her feelings.

But that doesn't explain why he seems to want to spend time with her, why doesn't he just take the dc out? It does look suspiciously like he regrets his choice to me.

You need to talk to him, tell him how it makes you feel. He will either make changes to make you happier, or he won't. Either way, you will have your answer.

You need to talk to him.

I understand waiting to introduce children to new partners but, if it's for keeps, two years is long enough.