Need advice to get over the fact that my girlfriend got an ex boyfriend

[user1482142985]

Hi, sorry for my bad english in advance.

I’m with my girlfriend since 6 month, we know each other since we are in middle school. After that she go in another school and in an other high school in the same town.

We are now both 20 years old, we started to speak together after all these years via facebook and we date some days after, she told me that she had 1 boyfriend during her last year of high school and it lasted 6 month, she lost her virginity with him and i appreciate a lot her honesty.

Now we love each other a lot, I see all my futur with her and for no reason i can break up, that’s the same for her.
At first the fact that she was no more virgin didn’t bother me at all ( I do not care if a girl is a virgin or non virgin ).

But the problem is that 3 month after we started this relationship i really fell in love with her and started thinking about her doing her first time with her ex boyfriend and a lot of more bad things. I was thinking that it’ll go outside my head with time ( i tried to no give matter to it ), but the fact is that the days passed and i was thinking more and more about it, i kept everything for me after 1 month of struggle i’ve decided to tell her what was going on.

I told her that i was thinking about all this and that it was bothered me since 1 month.
She answered me that she regret to have done her first time and to have be with him and that she is very sad about it, she didn’t know why she did this ( I think it’s because like a lot of people now she wanted to lose her virginity as soon as possible,specially at 20 years old and i understand this ).

It was during her last year in high school and he was in her class, she told me this is the thing that she regret the most in her life and if she could go back in times she would only change this, she told me that she was just attached to him and that she saw him only during class, that she slept only around 10 times with him and after 6 month he left her she said that she didn’t think about him one time since she is with me, that he is an and that she have forgot him with no difficulty ( I’m aware that i’m young, that it’s all my problem and that it’s all in my mind, and certainly not her problem ).

She said that she discovered the real love with me and that she love me more than everythings.
After this conversation i didn’t speak again about it with her because i don’t want, some days after, i spoke with her mom about this ( i know her since 10 years ) and she told me that my girlfriend wanted to see me and date me for years and that she was speaking about me everytimes, that i was in her mind everytime and that she never thought being with me one day.

The last thing i regret the most is that i come 6 months to late because she wouldn’t met this guy.( and i know that 100% of people in this world regret things in their life and that the majority would preserve himself/herself for the love of their life ).
I’m aware that there are a lot of worst thing in this world and i do my best everydays to get over it but i can’t and it’s hurting me everytime i think about it, and trust me i think a lot about this. I feel like i’m blocked because i can’t leave her but i can’t go back in time to change that, the only thing i can do is to accept it but i don’t even know if it’s possible
Is there any people who had nearly the same problem ?

How can i work on myself to accept this and stop hurting me with these thoughts ?

Thank to everybody who have read this and who try to help me and sorry again for this bad english.

different industry standard fittings

I hope you directed him to the relevant ISO documentation, Lance

DS turned bright red and blurted 'Compatible? You mean, like, there are different industry standard fittings?

This is totally brilliant and has really brightened my day!

Its not bad to feel these things..they might be a sign.that you really like her, but just as equally could be a sign that you feel like you should 'own' her first time.

It is sad if someone you like expresses physical feelings for someone else. Even so, you have to accept that its her.body, and she is both allowed to make mistakes and to make decisions about what to do with it without your approval. Though, of course, if you were in a relationship, and you had slept with someine else, many of those shouting disgust here would be shouting at you, so there are some 'rules' about relationships.

The opportunity you have here, if she want a relationship with you, is to be very amazing about this..by being understanding and loving towards her as a person.

Men are so fucking precious about a hymen, aren't they?

Funnily enough, my teen boyfriend wasn't my first sexual partner. I was his. And he was an insecure twerp who basically needed reassurance for the duration of our relationship that I regretted losing my virginity to the previous guy and also that I didn't enjoy it. In other words, he needed me to lie to him in order to make himself feel better.
Deeply unattractive.

So many of the world's problems are caused by willies.

And the dicks attached to the willies of course.

answering this shit / drivel turns this place into more of a haven for just about anyone to hangout with.

Try writing to Cathy and Claire OP. Why are you asking Mumsnet since you are barely out of fucking nappies yourself and are a bloke?

My Ds's school broke up on the 16th - that could explain why there's so much of this around.

Grow up.

Get a grip.

HTH.

So if you can't get over this, she will have slept with 2 men, so she is even more damaged in your eyes?

If you were my bf you'd be dumped after discussing my sex life with my mother

Grow up, she has nothing to regret and has done nothing wrong, you on the other hand have some serious apologies and growing up to do

You obviously care that she wasn't a virgin, so stop pretending that you don't and while you at it, let's call your feelings by their appropriate name, jealousy. How do you get past it? By accepting that you don't have the power or right to control people's pasts.

Relationships need more than just love, they also need respect and acceptance and if you can't respect or accept your gf's past then move on, making her feel bad about her past IS NOT ON!

This is not her problem, it's yours and you're the only one who can fix it, get help before you damage the person you supposedly love with your jealousy.

Regret is pointless, is doesn't bring anything positive but I wouldn't call what feel regret because your gf's virginity isn't about you, your describing is jealousy.

Love is a fantastic thing but a lot of damaging and abusive things are done in its name and by making this such an issue that your gf regrets her past, makes your behaviour abusive. If you love your gf then you should talk to a professional about why you feel that you were entitled to your gf's virginity. Your feelings aren't about love or regret but rather your insecurities, we all have them in varying forms but it doesn't entitle us to make someone else pay for them.

Get help before you hurt gf further, this is your problem to fix not for her to apologise for.

Ahhh, double posted.

You don't own her or her past. You have become unhealthily fixated on something she can't change so you are berating her and her mum about the impossible. It's very unkind. If you cared about her you would not humiliate her like this.

Stop it. Jealousy, shaming, unkind behaviour has no place in a loving relationship.

Well I did wonder at first if this was a joke?

Providing it's not I recommend a big dose of grow the fuck up and start living in the real world. Stop making her feel guilty for be human.