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Original poster

Some quick POF interpretation needed. Thanks.

28 replies

QuestionOfPOF · 18/12/2016 16:58

Right, aside from the fact I have the Question of Sport theme rattling round my head since NC for this... I do have a question about POF for you.

Now, at the risk of it being suggested I'm over investing, it's very early days, blah, blah, I am well aware of that and you're all absolutely right Wink but hopefully this won't go that way Smile

This is an idle musing and a "can I be arsed"? more than anything else.

Will keep the timeline brief... I think...

So I started chatting to a man about 3 weeks ago.
He and I were both active online daily at the time.
After a week, we arranged to meet 4 days later.
Met, had a lovely date. Both said we'd enjoyed and would like to see each other again. So we did, a week later.
We are both 'alternative' enough for neither of us to be inundated with interest. Neither of us inundated with dates!
Our communications have been reasonable: not a single red flag (I know what they are thanks to MN, can spot them fluttering a mile off and never ignore...); nothing OTT or inappropriate, just nice getting to know you stuff. Not even any flirting tbh.
We have been in touch every day. Not all day, we both work! But a good morning/good night text and 2 out of three days a bit of a chat. A couple of nights messages in place of a phone call over a couple of hours.
We have been open about our pasts and what we are both looking for. I'm usually very cynical. I haven't felt any need to doubt anything he's said so far.
Just seems like a decent man.
I went back on POF yesterday to hide my profile. I haven't been back on since I met this man. Not in a putting all eggs in one basket way, but in a I have AS and I can't handle communicating with more than one man at a time kind of way. And don't like the thought of being emailed and not replying/reading at least.
I saw that he hadn't been back on since we met last week! (showed as online in the last 30 days).
Today I went back on, not for any real reason, and he's no longer showing in my 'top prospects' bit in email.

Does that mean he has blocked me?

He still has a profile, so he hasn't removed it. His profile pic and our emails are still there.

But I don't understand why I can't see him on the top prospects.

I don't really mind if he's still going on there, we've only had 2, albeit good, dates and he's asked to see me again over Christmas.

Why would someone block?

Just in case anyone missed it, I have AS and so I don't read these things very well. Just some possible insight would be helpful. Thanks.

OP posts:
CockacidalManiac · 18/12/2016 17:01

If you can still talk to him on POF chat, then he hasn't blocked you

Mooey89 · 18/12/2016 17:02

It's been a long time since I was on pOf but doesn't 'top prospects' change anyway?
Try not to get too iverknvested and enjoy the dating.

Sounds fine to me.

CockacidalManiac · 18/12/2016 17:02

Because if he'd blocked you, you'd get an message telling you so when you try and use POF chat.

CockacidalManiac · 18/12/2016 17:03

I agree. Don't overthink it, and try and enjoy.

frieda909 · 18/12/2016 17:10

He definitely hasn't blocked you. He said he wants to see you again, so listen to what he's saying rather than driving yourself mad scrutinising his profile for clues!

Sounds to me like it's going great Smile

Original poster
QuestionOfPOF · 18/12/2016 17:11

Thanks.

We're not using POF chat though. Like I say, he'd not been online (online in the last 30 days) so I don't know. We've been communicating via Whatsapp.

We've chatted on whatsapp since I noticed he'd disappeared.

Mooey It does change, but only as you make contact and a new person displaces another. They don't disappear completely. His emails are still there.

I'm just wondering if there could be any other reason for not being on top prospect or for blocking someone if you were still chatting away from pof. Unless he has been back on now and doesn't want me to know.

Thing is, I wouldn't have a problem with him being back on there. 3 weeks chatting and 2 dates is hardly a commitment, but I would wonder why he was hiding it from me.

Because of the 'difficulties' I have socially and have had in relationships in the past, pretty much the only thing that is important to me is openness and honesty. I'd rather he said, "I don't want you to see if I'm online" tbh!

Thanks for the replies Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
QuestionOfPOF · 18/12/2016 17:11

Thanks.

We're not using POF chat though. Like I say, he'd not been online (online in the last 30 days) so I don't know. We've been communicating via Whatsapp.

We've chatted on whatsapp since I noticed he'd disappeared.

Mooey It does change, but only as you make contact and a new person displaces another. They don't disappear completely. His emails are still there.

I'm just wondering if there could be any other reason for not being on top prospect or for blocking someone if you were still chatting away from pof. Unless he has been back on now and doesn't want me to know.

Thing is, I wouldn't have a problem with him being back on there. 3 weeks chatting and 2 dates is hardly a commitment, but I would wonder why he was hiding it from me.

Because of the 'difficulties' I have socially and have had in relationships in the past, pretty much the only thing that is important to me is openness and honesty. I'd rather he said, "I don't want you to see if I'm online" tbh!

Thanks for the replies Smile

OP posts:
jules179 · 18/12/2016 17:11

Is he hiding his profile?

Trills · 18/12/2016 17:11

It may be that the site has an algorithm that says "You've already talked to this person, you don't need them to be in the recommended section any more because you already either are talking to them or have decided you don't want to talk to them"

Original poster
QuestionOfPOF · 18/12/2016 17:14

Ha thanks, Frieda

I think the thing is, I have been on a couple of times just to reread our emails because my short term memory is poor and I don't want to ask him things we've already covered because it's rude.

I suppose I'm just worried he has been back on today for the first time in 2 weeks, saw I'd been on, and has assumed I'm on there still chatting with men. When I'm not. Not that it would matter anyway, I know, but I'm not!

I wondered if he might think that he's misread me or that I hadn't been sincere in what I've said. I haven't said anything major, just that I can't do the multidating thing (I can't) and that I tend to talk to a few people and find all but one fizzles out because I can't maintain the conversation with more than one. I figure the one that sticks is the best bet of the lot. If we meet and it doesn't work, I go back to square one.

OP posts:
TroysMammy · 18/12/2016 17:17

For a reminder just copy and paste the POF messages to Word.

Original poster
QuestionOfPOF · 18/12/2016 17:18

Thanks Trills but this is the 'top prospects' it's where it ranks the people you've had contact with based on compatibility.

There are people on there I didn't reply to or haven't spoken with more than once weeks ago.

I don't know, Jules. How would I know?

OP posts:
Original poster
QuestionOfPOF · 18/12/2016 17:18

Thanks Trills but this is the 'top prospects' it's where it ranks the people you've had contact with based on compatibility.

There are people on there I didn't reply to or haven't spoken with more than once weeks ago.

I don't know, Jules. How would I know?

OP posts:
Original poster
QuestionOfPOF · 18/12/2016 17:20

Ah thanks, Troys. Good idea!

OP posts:
Original poster
QuestionOfPOF · 18/12/2016 17:44

Right. Well I searched for him using search criteria without logging in. He's still showing as 'Online last 30 days'.

Hate the way online dating makes you so fucking stalkery Sad

I'm clearly not really cut out for it!!

OP posts:
Gobbelino · 18/12/2016 23:48

Hiya! I think (but I can't quite remember this correctly) that it has something to do with him not being online actually, because I'm pretty sure that your top prospects were supposed to be people who were regular enough online for you to make contact with them and then it be likely they respond? (If that makes sense?) I remember wondering this exact thing! I don't think it's anything the other person does to stop you seeing them though - have you tried googling it?

scottishdiem · 19/12/2016 11:05

Mmmm. If the way that POF sorts things worries you then I wonder what you are going to be like if he gets a text one day and doesnt let you read it.

Original poster
QuestionOfPOF · 19/12/2016 18:04

I would never ask to read someone else's texts, scottish.

Never have done, never would.

OP posts:
CockacidalManiac · 19/12/2016 18:05

Have you managed to talk to him?

Original poster
QuestionOfPOF · 19/12/2016 18:17

We've chatted since. And it's fine and good. We're going to see each other again over Christmas.

He had some good news at work today and texted me immediately (I'm led to believe that is a good thing Wink)

I have searched for him without logging in (not a weirdo, so won't make a habit of it) and it is still showing as having been online in the last 30 days.

So I'm assuming that he's not showing on top prospects (which is people you have had some contact with, not people who are recommended for you) because he's not logged in for a couple of weeks and he's fallen off for that reason. It might well have happened with other people too and I'd just not noticed.

OP posts:
frieda909 · 21/12/2016 09:43

Sounds like it's going great! I met my partner on PoF too and I really wouldn't trust that 'last online' business. My boyfriend and I deleted our profiles after months of neither of us logging on. I went first, and while deleting mine I went to look at his profile one last time for old time's sake. It showed him as 'online now' which made my heart stop for a second, but when I asked him about it he was very confused as he thought he'd already deleted the profile and hadn't been on there in months (and I believe him 100%, before anyone says anything!) Sometimes I wonder if the dating sites do it deliberately just to mess with you.

Original poster
QuestionOfPOF · 21/12/2016 18:19

Thanks.

But don't say that I shouldn't trust the last online business because it says he hasn't been online since our first date!! Grin

It feels ok to me. No 'lovebombing' nonsense. No "I haven't heard from you all day" stuff. Nothing negative at all. We've got on well when we've been out. Christmas is a bit of an inconvenience! But, hey, we'll have to see what happens in the New Year...

OP posts:
debbs77 · 21/12/2016 20:38

If you had refreshed your screen then the top prospects would've changed anyway

MercuryInRetrograde · 21/12/2016 20:46

I see why that causes confusion.....

MercuryInRetrograde · 21/12/2016 20:50

Have your conversations disappeared?
If you block somebody the conversations disappear.