AIBU to be sad and disappointed?

[Norky1975]

DP and I together 5 years. He has been living with me practically for all this time, sorting out his divorce etc etc, but never officially living together. To cut a very long story short, his ex has finally moved out of the marital home and has it back - he had talked about getting the house back but always said he would rent it out or sell, and we would set up home together properly. Now he has backtracked and is saying he wants somewhere where his children can come (16 and 19) which I totally understand, and he's spending more time at his house 20 miles away than with me. He insists he loves me and wants a future together, but I'm feeling very let down and hurting a lot seeing him buying things for his house and no interest in my little flat.
Where do I go from here? Christmas is going to be a nightmare. He hasn't organised anything, hasn't asked me what I'm doing, and I'm absolutely not chasing him around. He also still has a lot of his things at mine which he seems reluctant to take.
I would really appreciate your thoughts

I'm so sorry OP. You and your DD deserve better.

I'm so sorry but it feels like he is a user.It will hurt and you may feel taken advantage of but it says more about him than you.

You trusted and loved him but he has been selfish and only put his interests first.

You are still young and have your daughter so have the best Christmas you can.

This happened

I think I'll need a bit more hand holding today. I really don't know if it's over but I feel like I've taken a huge step in drawing a line in the sand

I think he used you as with you he had a place to stay without finding another place to rent whilst everything was going on with his ex.

When he was unofficially living at yours was he paying half the rent, bills, food etc Or was he freeloading whilst paying the marital home mortgage?

If it's the latter - I think his actions are quite clear - he feels you served your purpose (enabling him to keep the mortgaged house whilst having a cheap roof over his head)

This

I'm sorry OP you don't deserve this. Not after 5 months and certainly not after 5 years

Can I dial it back a bit to try to help before maybe you end this tonight? What is the issue with him having his own home and buying stuff for it please? You don't want him to have it, you want him to move in with you officially ?

You say you didn't officially live together, so he must have had his own place before this and being excited and buying stuff for your home is fairly normal. In addition if uoure in a small flat and he has kids it may have been difficult for him to have them stay based on where ever he was renting.

Xmas should have been mentioned, have you never raised it with him? Wanting to spend it with his kids is fairly normal but I would have assumed you'd be included in that in some way if possible.

Can see where Bluntness is coming from Op?
But the saying he is 'weak' is a worry.

He lived with me full time. No name of his on anything, gave me a nominal amount of money every month.

Ok, so he did formally live with you and he has moved out then? That does change it.

He doesn't see why it will affect us - rather, he chooses not to, and goes ahead with what he wants with no regard for men feelings or our relationship

Me! Typo

Well done. Thinking of you. Just let it settle now and see what he does.

Put his stuff outside your front door and tell him they are there to collect. If they get wet or nicked that's his problem.

Sounds like you were convenient and now he has options. The cockend

Cock end

I hope his stuff is sitting outside by your front door-not cluttering up your house.

My ex planned to leave and quietly took everything he valued to his mothers in the weeks leading up to saying it was over.He then told me he didn't want anything left in the house. He was then able to avoid a potential scene and leave the problem of getting rid of it to me. You may find yourself in the same boat sadly.

I'd tell him it was outside your house for collection by the end of the day. Then go out and have a nice day with dd. Don't contact him again. Onwards and upwards.

Agree totally with gamer That shit should be outside not inside. Boo fucking hoo if he has to change his plans to come and get it before it is stolen or damaged. Once it's outside it's his problem to collect and deal with it. Using wankbadger.

Tell him to drop your key back through the door (lock yourself in so he cannot get in) and that he should never contact you again.

I would talk to him. He could just be getting carried away with the excitement of having a place for his DC to stay with him.

I am not saying that his behaviour is great but 5 years is a long time to be with someone and I guess you liked him during that time.

Don't react to what's going on. Stay calm and get some alone time with him and talk about your future together.

I really understand that you must be very hurt and extremely pissed off but if the relationship is worth saving you have to speak to one another properly. I hope things work out for you.

Hi OP, hope you are ok this morning. How's it going? Is Cock-end still being a Cock-end?