Emotionally abusive vile H - think I've finally found the courage to leave him

[Momentumista]

Or rather tell him to leave me...
He is in back room packing his stuff and blaming me for having conversation at this time as he has to go to work tomorrow.

He is issuing all sorts of threats about how he won't pay the bills and that I get him into debt. Just for reference I bought a coat & some boots from joint household expenses account. I have no idea what is in joint account as he hides all statements and has confiscated my bank card. He tells me this is for my own good as I can't be trusted with money.

Our house is in joint names with mortgage. I owned it in sole name for about 8 years & he got added to mortgage about 4 years ago. I have no clue where I stand legally. I am determined not to show him how scared I am though.

But if is scary... I know he wants to bully me into saying "it's ok stay " just as he has fine every other time I've told him I am unhappy & want out but that's the easy option and the problem just rears its head again after a few months.

We have DS (9) who h uses as bargaining chip threatening he will not let me see him etc. Any advice & hand holding appreciated.

Well done OP. Stand firm and know that you have MNers at your shoulder.

PS this is outside my experience, but others will join the thread soon with helpful advice.

they all threaten to take your child away - please ignore his pathetic threats. They are designed to make you scared and let him stay. He is vile and you are doing quite right getting rid. SHL required for you on Monday then.

You are doing the hard bit- keep going to the other side. It will be worth it x

The script involves them threatening you with never seeing the dc. It's awfully common but has no basis in reality. Shut the door on him, leave a key in the lock. Actually in all the doors.

Good on you! I am so pleased for you. Xxxxx

What does SHL mean?

Does the script also involve him threatening not to pay bills? He earns more than I do and i can't afford all bills on my salary alone. What recourse do I have if he gives me no money?

Shit Hot Lawyer

Hold tight, you can do this

Yes. He's going to have to support his dc. He's going to have to accept that there are marital assets Again no basis in reality.
You need copies of financial info - take those tonight. Take pictures of anything you can find. Especially house stuff. Keep any texts telling you not to spend or abusing you.

Well done op and stay strong. This is the best thing for you and your son. If you are in paid employment you can get CTC, maybe even WTC. If he's a twat go through cms for child support. Get good legal advice, you can do this. Too many people put up with abusive and crappy relationships, good for you for being an excellent role model for your son.

I've told DS this morning and he's in tears saying he doesn't want his father to leave. I've explained I love him, it's not his fault etc, dad just makes me sad.
How to overcome this reaction ?

I guess this is z common reaction?

Past advice has said don't stay for his sake etc etc.

Momentum you are the adult and you have to protect your child. I had to make the same decision 6 years ago and it was the best decision I'd probably made in my whole life.

You don't want them growing up seeing that shit and you deserve better.

Well done for being strong xxx