Staying together because you don't want to be apart from your children.

[DangerQuakeRhinoSnake]

Do people do this? Play happy families and put off separation until after they've flown the nest?

I'm sure people do, just wondered what it's like in practice.

Yeah there's no perfect answer. My friend's situation would not necessarily involve selling the family home and no one would move schools or jobs, but there are financial factors involved (can't really go into detail as could be identifying). He is mainly staying for the DCs though. I have my doubts as to whether his wife knows this, or rather to what extent she knows this, but they are just both so unhappy. It's an all round shitty position to be in.

I know a couple that are currently doing this. They work very well together as friends so it seems to work surprisingly well. I would imagine they are the exception to the rule though!

My husband and I have been separated for 4 months, and we have two young children (6 and 3)

It is going very well. It is very amicable, we both still love one another and no third party. We just couldn't be married.

We are doing a more flexible arrangement than every other weekend and it's working brilliantly. So for example this weekend, they were with me in the morning, then over to dads. Then I will meet them at a country house to see samtas grotto, back with dad and then he will drop them back to me tomorrow mid afternoon.

The children are very happy and settled. It's clear their father and I still care for one another, we hugged when we saw each other today!

No no no to staying together for the sake of the children. You say you don't want to be part form the children but I'm guessing that your time with the children is often fraught because of simmering tensions with your partner?

I think I'm a better mother now because I get a proper decent break to rejuvenate and then really relish the time with the children.

What happens in that situation when either of you want a bit of third party Blinky?

I second the having better quality time with DC in a shared care arrangement if you can't be happily with their father. Means that when he does have them, you get time on your own to do whatever you choose which for me is bliss too.

We will cross that bridge when it comes to it Therightplace. We don't want to be together, neither of us, so I don't think one of us having another partner will cause a huge upheaval. Why would it?

Our children are our top priority. No one is going to get in the way of that.

You'd be surprised Blinky, have you read AIBU ? Your ex husband can't even put up a shelf for you without some insecure new wag going batshit, God knows how they'd cope with a joint parents evening

Ok

I had a flatmate in the 1990s whose parents separated weeks after her younger sibling went to university. Both of them felt guilty that their parents had clearly stayed together for their sakes.

Their mum had fallen in love with someone else when they were young teens but stayed with their dad until they were 20 and 18 and then moved in with her boyfriend, who was a better match for her (they're still together now, 24 years later, and are a great couple). Her dad is happy now, too. But my friend knows that they were miserable for about 7 years and feels sorry about it.