Hi all, I wonder if anybody is in a similar boat.
My baby is due next year and naturally I've been thinking about his life with the people in it.
My Father past away and my Mother is not a good influence. She offered us drugs and cigarettes from the age of 7, left my siblings and I on our own constantly with no electricity (we were on a meter) or food. ( I would eat bran flakes for dinner. I was rushed critically ill to hospital and she couldn't be bothered to come and collect me after two weeks in hospital - no visits( I was 11)
I left home as soon as I could at 16 (so did my siblings) and spent a year on a friends sofa and then moved in illegally into my boyfriends room at university. I worked and put myself through college, my parents didn't care if I was dead or alive. Fast forward to today I have had a successful career and a loving husband and moved far away from where I was dragged up.
No one knows of my past and I do not talk about it openly as I'm embarrassed by it. I also feel great guilt as people have lost their Mums and Dads and here I am complaining. But the truth is my mother carried me and gave birth to me but neglected me and my siblings who both suffer from depression and drug abuse as a direct result of growing up in an awful environment . My mums Mother did the same to her so I guess she knows no difference , which is sad.
I talk very occasional on the phone to my mother who often talks either about sex (with strangers off the internet) or ending her life. She has done this since I was a child, but I feel some sense of responsibility, I'm not sure why. I just want to shield my child from all of this. What can I do? I've accepted I will never have a loving Mother but I do not want her negativity to impact my sons life. Any advice welcomed xx