It's over...how do I get through the next part?

[CarrieMayBe]

Link to my earlier thread when I caught DH cheating
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2776767-I-caught-DH-out-tonight

So, after 5 weeks of mostly hell but some nice moments too, where he hummed and haahed about whether we could work through it and stay together, he has finally decided to leave me.

He says he loves me but doesn't want me anymore. I desperately don't want him to leave but I know I need to accept that this really is happening.

He intends to stay until Christmas is over as neither of us want to blow the kids worlds apart before then, not that it will be any easier after but I cannot ruin their last family Christmas all together as a family.

How do I get through it all? How do I deal with the immense fall out once we tell the children? We split 3yrs ago and my youngest daughter (almost 9yrs old now) couldn't cope at all, even 6 months down the line she would still kick and scream when he tried to bring her home from his house and hide under the bed etc. She was hysterical and I honestly can't see her being any different this time. I have 4 DCs and I'm fairly certain the eldest two (17 and 21) will be ok but it's youngest DD and her 6yo brother that will be devastated. They adore DH, absolutely adore him.

I'm so lost and hurt, I cannot believe this is really it after 20yrs together. I don't know how to be without him and I don't fucking want to either. I don't want to raise the kids on my own and I don't want to live in this house without him either. I just don't want to do this.

Please hold my hand.

Of course you don't, but unfortunately, the reality of the situation means that you have to do all of those things.
As the saying goes:
'You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have'

Do not beg - do NOT do the pick me dance.
Try to detach as much as you can (which won't be easy while he is around)
Be out and about as much as you can.
Leave the kids to him as much as possible so you get some space away from him.
He'll need to make the most of his time with them now anyway.
Stop doing his crap.
Stop doing his washing, ironing, etc.... He will need to get used to doing it himself now.
Try to sleep separately.
Definitely keep busy.
Definitely keep your sugar levels up and keep yourself hydrated.
Get all the RL support around that you possibly can.
You need love and support right now and you will only get this from your family and friends.
Do practical things.
Get paperwork sorted out. You will need marriage cert for divorce.
You will need to know about all assets, pensions, savings, etc.....
Get some time with a solicitor and get your head around what you need to do in the short term regarding separation and money.

I am going through the exact same thing as you right now. You're not alone. I also did a post Tuesday. Kills doesn't it. I went Dr's yday to get depressants and sort out some counselling. Its killing me too. Funnily enough my OH also did this to me same time 3 years ago. He came back after 3 weeks last time. Difference is this time its someone from his work and "he's fallen for her". Think theyre going to be together. We have been together 9 years and have 2 kids (aged 4 & 1). He only proposed 6 months ago. I hate everything.

Too late - I've already begged and pleaded and lost all my self respect. I've never done that before and we've been close to splitting up so many times over the years but it was something that I needed to do this time in a last ditch effort to save us. I don't regret it either because I know if I'd let him just walk without him knowing how I really felt then I'd regret that forever.

Alice I'm so sorry you're going through this too. My husband insists his affair is over which makes it harder in a way because he's walking away from everything for seemingly nothing to go to. I don't suppose him leaving for the OW would make me feel any better but I think I'd understand it more.

I'm just so lost and scared, I don't have any control over what is happening and I can't protect my children from going through this same level of pain in a couple of weeks time. That is killing me.

I did the same. He came back for 2 weeks, told me he couldn't live the lie and admitted he had fallen for her. Its going to be hard isn't it. He probably is going to be with her Carrie but doesn't want to make things worse. Its hell isn't it

I would kick him out before Xmas if I were you. He can come over for a cracker if he promises to behave. Are you seriously trying to get him to stay when he is the one having the affair? Grrrrrrr

Come on....the affair's not over if he's 'walking away'....
'He couldn't live the lie...'? Give me strength....why the sudden need for honesty
Don't fall for the BS...this is all straight out of 'Cheating for Dummies'

I genuinely believe him that he's not in contact with her, I know it makes sense that he is but she was married too and he told me at the start that it was never going to go anywhere with her as she loves her husband.

It doesn't really matter now anyway, he's made it very clear he doesn't want me.

How can I kick him out before Christmas and ruin it for the kids? At least if he stays until it's over they will enjoy the actual day, if he goes they'll be miserable and they don't deserve that. Or any of this.

It's hard but neither of us deserve this. Believe me no man walks away for nothing else. Originally my partner said to me he just didn't feel the same but I suspected OW. He will be in touch with her believe me!

What ages are your children? You are placing too much importance on Christmas. The kids will get their Christmas. He can come over for Christmas presents or give the children their presents at his parents or wherever he's staying. No one is going to look back and say 'well I'm glad everyone kept up the facade so we could 'enjoy' Christmas'.

No sorry , but if he stays and you all pretend they will see Christmas as one big fat lie .. .. and it could affect how they see all their Christmasses from now on .. .. by him going beforehand they will in the future have another happy Christmas again with you and in whatever life you have in the future..

..