So do you try to win someone over romantically? any success stories?

[janewithacrush]

..or just accept the status quo if he's not making any moves?

(I'm not 15, I promise!)

He likes me, is friendly to me, and we have a lot of prolonged eye contact when chatting. Friends on social media so I don't repulse him ha, though there is no chat between us on there, sporadic comments only! I've sort of asked him out once, as in 'a friendly chat about something over coffee', he said he was too busy but that he hopes to see me around again, come and say hi etc. This was a while ago.

Since then there was more eye contact, he always turns his head to look at me even if he's chatting to his friends. We only see each other once a month or so so I can't really build up anything, but I'd love to. If he's not single, why would he encourage all this gazing, instead of looking away politely? It's noticeable socially that there is chemistry between us.

I don't know whether I should make a further fool of myself up my game in some way to get him really interested, send a very blatant message or whatever? or just accept defeat in a passive (or wise) way. I think i"m too polite and care too much what someone will think and it paralyses me. But I'm also a trier - I just don't know how obvious can I be with it.

Do men really know what they want?.

To be blunt, no-one turns down a coffee with someone they have even a sniff of interest in, because they're too busy. They either make time, or suggest an alternative, even if they miss that they were asked out. Shatner's example above illustrates this - yeah he missed the whole date thing, but he still went for the coffee....

Lots of people like flirting, particularly in front of their mates, as an ego boost, nothing more. You gave him an opening, he didn't take it, unfortunately he's just not that into you. You could chase him down, but really, who wants to date someone that isn't that fussed about them?

Well Shatner's single now so........

If he had been really interested, without being prodded rather a lot, it might have worked.

If you want to know for sure, you could take one shot: "Would you like to go out some time?"

But... he doesn't though. He would have gone on the coffee if he had a sniff of romantic interest, even if he thought it was just a friendly or "professional" coffee.

Yeah, tiej, except I'm too busy! Even for that!

Shatner - if you were really interested you'd make some time! I mean you find the time to write on here, you could find the time for a coffee!

Cricrichan, Wise words. People make time if they really, really want to.

yep you aer all right! it helps to see it like hat loud and clear. I must learn that if I wouldn't do something, doesn't mean others wouldn't either, i.e. keep flirting if I knew someone was interested and even made an attempt to clumsily ask me out but I wasn't - I'd be opposite, not encourage them at all. But I wouldn't see it as ego boost unless I fancied someone myself.

My hope was that I've asked him out right away when he was possibly a)in a relationship, b)if he needed to see me again a few times to know if he was interested.

Shatner, to be fair you are a bit of an extreme case ha, that you couldn't even think she MIGHT fancy you as she was asking you to help with something. With most people it'd cross their mind AND they'd notice that she's nice much quicker too haha, took you all these meeting to see her in that light!? The guy I like definitely knows I'm attracted as he does flirt back. I'm guessing you never do!

I have had a number of times when guys have told me I am flirting with them when I have turned down their advances. As far as I am aware I had not been anything apart from a perfectly socially acceptable level of friendly, with not even a thought of anything more entering my head. Sometimes people read more into others body language then is really there. You think he is flirting with you, but quite possibly he doesn't see it that way at all and would be mortified to find out you thought he was.

You asked, he said no in a perfectly pleasant way. Perhaps he likes you but is genuinely too busy for a relationship right now. Perhaps he just sees you as a friend. What ever the reason you need to move on.