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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

to feel like ranting and raving and crying?!

12 replies

PixieMiss · 14/12/2016 20:50

My DH got a new job in October which he loves and is quite senior in. His career is going great.

I recently quit my much-loved job as we couldn't afford for me to go back to work since the birth of our DS earlier this year.

Every day he has come home and spent ages yapping on about these "sooo funny" and "sooo witty" HR girls. (He doesn't work in HR) Tonight he has gone out for drinks with them. Told me he wouldn't be late back, he works an hours commute away. He had read 2 messages and not replied whatsapp is a devil

AIBU to be pissed off that I am home all day doing all and sundry and he comes home telling me how great these women are?! The latest was "Awww poor so-and-so has man troubles!" SO DO I!! YOU!!

I am hugely resentful. I didn't want to have a child. I didn't want to have to leave work. I didn't want this life. I don't want to hear how the HR girls think i am wonderful for cooking for my son (WTF Confused)

I know IABU but I just want to cry and scream at the shittiness and unfairness of my life

Sad
OP posts:
Hardshoulder · 14/12/2016 20:52

Your problem is not his pathetic crush on the HR colleagues, it's that you seem to have allowed yourself to be pushed into a life you don't want. How is it you have a child you didn't want and allowed yourself to be browbeaten into being a SAHM?

Original poster
PixieMiss · 14/12/2016 20:59

It's a long and pathetic story but he threatened to leave if I had an abortion and silly me thought I couldn't live without him Hmm

We would be much worse off if I worked, nursery fees here aren't cheap. I am starting a training course in Jan which may aleviate some feelings but I'm just so fed up and alone and fed up some more.

OP posts:
myoriginal3 · 14/12/2016 21:02

Tell him to bring his dirty boxers into hr to wash for him. The bollox.

Hardshoulder · 14/12/2016 21:21

What a mess, Pixie. You can't do anything about the baby you now have, clearly, but your career hasn't suddenly become expendable because you had a baby, especially a baby someone emotionally blackmailed you into. If he was that keen, he should have opted to become a SAHP. He should go PT or whatever it takes to foster you working now. Being temporarily worse off is no reason not to work, and it sounds as though it would be your salvation. And consider whether this relationship is worth it for you. It doesn't sound like it in the abstract.

baconandeggies · 14/12/2016 21:28

I'm sure the HR girls wouldn't enjoy his company so much if they knew that he blackmailed you into having his unplanned child.

AgathaF · 14/12/2016 21:47

You need to get back to work if being at home is making you so unhappy. When you say you would be worse off, does that mean that you'd still be able to pay the bills, or much worse than that?

He's being a shit. Have you told him this?

jeaux90 · 14/12/2016 21:49

How much worse off can you be? You are miserable and lost your identity because you gave up your career. Sorry but you are also setting yourself massively here by giving up your career and financial independence.

I am being harsh because we see this story time and time again. And you want to work. Make it happen!

Pallisers · 14/12/2016 22:33

How could you be worse off?

You add together your joint salaries.

You subtract the cost of childcare.

If you can still pay the bills with what is left then it is worth your while to work.

Why should only your salary be considered in the cost of childcare?

Childcare where I am was about 400 per week per infant back in the day. For one year I brought in 10 dollars a week less than I paid in childcare for 3 children. So what? We had 2 salaries. I got to work. I got a pension. I stayed sane.

Go back to work as soon as you can. You are miserable at home and he, frankly, has you where he wants you - with a baby, at home, with no money of your own. I suspect this lovely chat about the "HR girls" - god what an ass he is - is quite deliberate. He probably got the fright of his life when you almost chose an abortion and looked like breaking free.

AnyFucker · 14/12/2016 22:37

why would he not pay his contribution to child care for his own son ? [confused}

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 14/12/2016 22:43

How nice that his career is doing great while you're stuck at home raising a child you were essentially blackmailed into keeping Hmm
You need to speak to him & find a way to do at least some work rather than staying at home building resentment. You also need to tell him to stfu about the HR women as you have zero interest in them.

TheNaze73 · 15/12/2016 10:49

He's slowly eating his way into your being & purpose.

He's an emotional bully & you deserve better

HermioneJeanGranger · 15/12/2016 11:13

How could you be worse off?

Easily. If OP earns, say, £1,000 a month, and childcare is £1200 a month, they might not be able, as a family, to lose that extra £200. It might be the difference between eating/not eating.

And if the DH earns considerably more, then him becoming a SAHP might not work financially either.

Not everyone earns enough to be able to AFFORD childcare. If it's more than your salary and you're scraping by as it is, it's easier and cheaper to stay home.

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