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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Anyone else having a sham Christmas?

16 replies

ManicPixieDream · 14/12/2016 20:39

So I've finally decided it is time for us to break up once and for all. He's been abusive for years but blames it on depression / alcohol. I've had enough and it's over. My eldest is relieved. My youngest is unaware. We are having one last Christmas together before he moves to his Mum's house.

Is anyone else in the same situation? Has anyone done this previously? Any advice?

OP posts:

qwertyuiopasdfghjkl · 14/12/2016 20:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Autumnchill · 14/12/2016 20:58

I'm not but friends are. I hope they find happiness in 2017 whether that's together or apart.

QuarterMileAtATime · 14/12/2016 21:59

I'm having a particularly celebratory Xmas - Decree date is December 19th

QuarterMileAtATime · 14/12/2016 22:02

Sorry, my advice would be obvious - to keep it as amicable as you can. Ignore any usual triggers if you can help it; I found it easier not to take the bait into arguments once the decision was made and accepted I can't 'fix' him

CookingCabbage · 14/12/2016 22:03

Christmas = alcohol. If he is abusive after drinking, is one last Christmas together a good idea? Would it be happier without him? If your daughter is relieved, he may think so. My Dad was the same, and I used to wish my mum would just leave him. Every Christmas was miserable.

RedStripeIassie · 14/12/2016 22:03

I was but no!!! Everyone knows we've broken up and I don't have to do any pretending things are ok. Good luck for the new year.

MissWillaCather · 14/12/2016 22:03

H saying we should, I'm saying no. Want split beforehand, can't pretend. Good luck

Donatello68 · 14/12/2016 23:31

Quarter - my absolute is also due any day!!! 😀Whoop!!! This Christmas will be a million miles better than last year.

Original poster

ManicPixieDream · 15/12/2016 15:32

Thank you. I'm not rising to the bait any more. He's not drinking at the moment and if I feel in any way threatened or intimidated I will phone the police / my friend who is on standby. He is saying I am an emotionless robot who is about to blow our family apart. I know this is the right thing to do. I've given him a year and things have not changed enough. Good luck for the future for anyone else going through this. Thanks for the advice.

OP posts:

Perp · 15/12/2016 16:01

Me, we have young kids so have decided to keep it up until after Christmas.
I so sorely wish it was any other time of year so I can be done with it.

I'm struggling like hell not to throw him out though.

Original poster

ManicPixieDream · 15/12/2016 16:50

I hear you Perp, it's so hard isn't it? I just want it to be over too.

Hang in there

OP posts:

Crispsheets · 15/12/2016 16:55

I had this a couple of years ago. We decided to tell children after Xmas but because of his bizarre behaviour the kids found out on Xmas day.T he kids and I laugh about it now....they werent traumatised and it got everything in the open. We were divorced 6 weeks later .
And how good life is now.

Original poster

ManicPixieDream · 15/12/2016 17:32

That's what I need to hear Crisps. Thanks. How old were your kids at the time?

OP posts:

Summerlovinf · 15/12/2016 17:41

I was holding out for one more Xmas but only made it until bonfire night (2011)...it's going to be a turmoil whenever you do it - but you'll all come through it

Crispsheets · 15/12/2016 17:49

They were 15 and 17

Original poster

ManicPixieDream · 17/12/2016 16:05

A bit older than mine. I've got no idea how they are going to be. STBXH seems to be giving a consistent message though and is being supportive for once. It makes it more confusing and annoying that we couldn't work like this before.

OP posts:

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