Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I've been played by my mum

17 replies

Wilhamenawonka · 14/12/2016 17:09

Grew up in a pretty unhappy household with an extremely passive aggressive mum and an overtly aggressive dad.

They had an argument today and mum phoned up. Ever since i was little I've known how bad dad is because i felt like i had to make her feel better.
It's only the past few years I've seen how very wrong that us.

In fact i was actually able to finally tell her this summer that I'm not the right person to talk to about this stuff. Go me

Anyway amongst the general shit today she told me that he said he's sick of all the females in his life.
Guess who is the only other one apart from her?

Taken me several hours of hurt, anger and upset to see she's bloody played me again.
She knows that i won't back down if he's being shitty so she's trying to get me on side and wound up before going there for Christmas.

Tbh I'm sick to death of both of them. Both extremely racist and homophobic and proud of it. Dad's a raging misogynist who only thinks about money and mum has channelled all her impotent anger from an abusive marriage onto anyone the mail tells her to hate.
But i love them.

I've been bloody played again! How do i get through this Christmas! ?

Aaaahhhhh

OP posts:
Wilhamenawonka · 14/12/2016 17:11

I'm so irritated that i almost put a tin of beans in the microwave. Numpty Smile

OP posts:
ReggaeShark · 14/12/2016 17:12

Don't go. Stay home.

Wilhamenawonka · 14/12/2016 17:18

Dad used to joke that mum is more right wing than Hitler when i was a kid. Her response? To be smugly pleased with the compliment.

Thanks for your response.
If i don't go I'll be sharing the day with my ex who I've only just realised abused me for 17 years and i simply have to get away.

Great choice

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/12/2016 17:21

Forget your ex and parents (its partly because of them that you ended up with a man like your ex in the first place) and not visit any of them. Do something else and for you. You are really under no obligation to spend any time whatsoever with people whom you cannot stand and that includes relatives. You would not have put up with any of this from a friend, family are no different.

You may also want to post on the "well we took you to Stately Homes" thread on these pages also.

wiccamum · 14/12/2016 17:23

Oh op, this was like looking in a mirror!! The only difference is my violent and abusive father died a few years ago. I've been left with a manipulative, bitter mother who drives me insane! She is never happy unless she is feeding off of someone else's misery. She's like some kind of emotional vampire, it's horrible. I have finally had enough. I moved away a few years ago, out of her reach but still visit and call regularly. But even that is too much now. I decided I want to be surrounded by people I care about and who care about me.

Do you have any other options for Christmas? Does it have to be your ex? There is no rule about what you have to do on the day, spend it how you want to op. Fuck 'em all I say!

Grittlelayrabbit · 14/12/2016 17:34

The fact youve identified the manipulation is hugely positive! Well done! And well done telling her to stop dumping on you about your dad. It took me 35 years to do that and i had something of a breakdown.

Have you read Toxic Parents? I think you might find it useful.

Grittlelayrabbit · 14/12/2016 17:37

Re Christmas Day, if you dont want either of those choices, please yourself! I ended up in Rusholme one christmas and it was brilliant. Everything was open. (Curry district of manchester, great jewellers and sari shops.)

Wilhamenawonka · 14/12/2016 17:42

I'm not strong enough to bail out now. It's a very recent realisation that i was in an abusive marriage and that has been hard (had a thread on it just a few weeks ago that's how recent it is)

We do get on mostly. It's just that as i start to see the games that are going on I've not yet developed coping mechanisms.

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 14/12/2016 17:58

Tell them you want them to meet your new girlfriend.
Sorry, can't think of any witty comebacks, apart from over reacting in an exaggerated way or just ignoring her.

Wilhamenawonka · 14/12/2016 18:01

Cake i love you! Grin
(I also love cake so doubly love you)

OP posts:
Wilhamenawonka · 14/12/2016 18:05

Funnily enough i did tell him in the summer that he could be considered a radical feminist for hating transgender. That was funny until the 'totally unrelated' argument two days later.
Made me laugh though. I may have my coping strategy now Xmas Grin

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 14/12/2016 18:32

Was going to suggest you say your girlfriend is from Africa, Romania, Poland but didn't want to cause offence.
Perfectly plausible, you have come out of a bad relationship and have gone off men.

DistanceCall · 14/12/2016 19:37

Why do you have to stay with your ex? Why not stay at home by yourself binging on chocolate and watching crap TV sounds fab to me?

glitterandtinsel · 14/12/2016 19:44

Sounds like my parents and childhood. My dad's a psychopath and my mum revolves round him, she has narcissistic personality disorder. I had to look after her. I went no contact three years ago and haven't looked back. My life is so much better now I don't have to play their nasty games.

glitterandtinsel · 14/12/2016 19:46

Toxic parents is brilliant.

eddielizzard · 14/12/2016 19:50

you do have a choice and it doesn't necessarily involve your parents or your ex. you don't have to do this.

Wilhamenawonka · 14/12/2016 21:21

Ex lives 5 mins walk away so the kids would want to be at home but see him. We did that last year. Never again!

I generally get on with my parents but the list of things i cant talk to them about gets longer every day. The kids are so excited about seeing cousins and grandparents. I don't have the emotional energy to give them a nice time this year. Family can take that strain.

We're going this year. Like i said i simply don't have the strength to pull out this year. Now that i can see the games i stand more chance of not being pulled into them. Its exhausting but not as bad as the fallout from cancelling will be.

It's just that now I'm starting to see the games for what they are it's hard. Can stand up for myself just wish it wasn't bloody necessary

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread