Telling new guy my current situation

[midnightswirls]

So this is my current situation. I'm living in a refuge atm. My ex was mentally/emotionally/financially abusive. Since being here ive realised my ex isn't a threat to me but I'm staying here until I can find housing. He is still being a narcissistic a**e to me though.
So me and my ex have been split for about 3/4 months. I started speaking to someone else about a month ago. We got on really well and have been on dates. He has been very open and honest about me with his life.
He had cancer as a child, can't have kids. Anything I ask he is very honest and open. ( definitely not used to it!) anyway he knows I'm staying in temporary accommodation, he knows briefly about my ex and what he can be like.
Just want to know if I should tell him I'm in a refuge? It's bound to come out at some point and I didn't no if I should tell him now or later?

I don't think dating someone while you are in a refuge is a great idea tbh.

I've been there and I know how lonely it is in a place like that but you need to learn to make healthy choices in your relationships and WA can help you do that.

You've only been away from your abusive ex for 12/16 weeks, have you spoken to the ladies at the refuge about dating this new guy?

I agree with Elsa

I know we're all different but, it seems incredibly quick. Good luck op

In my head it's been over a longer. We hadn't been intimate for a year and hardly any emotion between us. He was just a bully and using our son to make me feel bad. I've had counselling and feel really

I'd wait till I was out of the refuge before starting a new relationship too.

It's too soon. Give yourself time to be in a position where you can make positive relationship choices.

I would tell him hun, nothing wrong with being honest. You sound like you know what to look out for now in a bad relationship. Just because the timing seems bad (your still in a refuge) doesn't mean its wrong. Unfortunately timing is one of those things you cant really control. Im happy you have found someone that seems nice. good for you xxx

I'd agree about waiting. I think in your position you're likely to be more vulnerable than you think (or feel) which may impair your judgment.

My first thought also was its too soon.

If you're anything like me you will think you're ok but if you are still linked to your ex in any way eg divorce, kids, legal stuff, then it is going to be a long road for you especially if he is abusive which he obviously is.

I wouldn't tell the new guy too much at this stage. Just what he needs to know. Wait till you can be sure you can trust him.

Thanks for all your honest opinions ladies. Had to know what to do when your inside the situation

Just do what you feel is right by you.

Personally, I don't see the relevance of a 'refuge', it means nothing to me in relation to the person.

We have two pubs in our town opposite each other. Exactly the same inside and out. Clean glasses, thatched roofs, ambient lighting, log fires aglow. One pub has a jovial landlady and landlord. The other a dour chap and his DW who never engages or smiles.

Which one is busiest? You know, of course.

It's all about the people. People not places matter.

The refuge is not important.

How much do you trust him? How much do you want to? It's early days, take each day at a time.

Thanks sleepingtiger, that's really helpful advice :) it's true that people not places matter

You matter most.

It's better to teach someone how to fish for their dinner, than fish for them every day of their life.

Don't give him more than you should at this stage. He is equally as capable of breathing, taking a shower or cooking potatoes as you are.

Good luck. I think you are a nice person.

Thank you sleepingtiger x

DON'T tell him the refuge address, or ask him to walk you home , or drive you home.

I know Jessica. I haven't even told my family the address, they just know roughly where it is