Help me on this?

[Helpmeonthisone101]

Met a lovely guy 2 years ago. We get on really well, he's charming, great with my DS who is of school age. We see each other roughly 3-4 times a week and generally things are good. Thing is, I can't talk to him about anything serious.

For example:
I would have imagined we'd have been thinking of moving in together by now, we have discussed this and he says maybe in a year or two. I don't feel I can say anything about this. 2 years???

Another thing is we experienced an early pregnancy loss around 7-8 months ago. Unplanned obviously. It was traumatic and frankly horrible. I can't talk about this to him even though it still affects me. He knows it does but avoids speaking with me about it at all costs.

I'm at a stage where I want to be living together and having children but he is just disinterested in this just now. We are both late 20's, have decent stable jobs etc.

I just don't know what to do! I feel almost resentful.

you can't spend the rest of your life with someone you can't share things with. Walk away

I'm sorry to say this, but he probably doesn't want to talk about your pregnancy loss because it might be that he is relieved, and it lets him off the commitment hook.
It's perfectly normal to be thinking about the next step in a relationship after 2 years.
Be very careful he's not stringing you along and hedging his bets.
It happens a lot I am afraid ;0(

I've thought that too. He says he wants us to get married and have children - but that will obviously be when the time suits him.

He was crying when we lost the baby. For me though, not himself. He admitted to that.

I fee so stuck. I love him a lot. But will I fuck be wasting the next however many years of my life just to suit his plans!

May be in a year or two is entirely vague.
''Maybe' is not definite, and a year or two is stalling/buying time.
IMHO, relationships are genuinely right when both sides want the same things at the same time ie. it naturally evolves, and not when one person has total control over the other person's future.
I think you are feeling resentment, because you feel it isn't right :0(

It's not that long and you're both still young. There's no rush is there?

Imagine your life if you are together in 20 years and he can't talk about jobs, job losses, problems, death of parents, children's problems/sicknesses/issues, can't talk to teachers about issues, won't talk to you if anyone is ever ill, if he has issues (gambling/drinking/etc). I think it would drive you crazy with frustration and anger (sorry!!) Sounds like you deserve much better!

Agree with PP tbh. But to add that there's no winner in this situation.
You could pressure him into doing what you want, but that will lead to issues later.
A frank and grown up discussion needs to happen and if he can't or won't do that then find a man that can be an adult.

If he wanted to be living with you he'd be living with you. He's not ready for full commitment.

What scares you about saying to him, "I love you and I've loved the past two years, but I need more commitment and certainty now. When you're Andy to commit, you know where I am. Until then, I'm going to have to look for someone whose future goals match mine." ??

When you find out what in particular terrifies you about saying that, then you'll know the stumbling block. Maybe you secretly feel you like him more than he likes you? Or that he's waiting for something better?

I don't know who Andy is! I meant, when you're ready to commit...

You don't appear to want the same things. I think a final attempt at a serious discussion. If there is no result that makes you happy from that, then it's probably time to cut your losses and move on.

I've told him this and he assures me he feels the same and that he loves me very much. We both seem quite stuck as what to do next! He isn't a great talker and this is what makes me feel I can't openly speak with him. Almost as if I'm irritating him when I try to. He has also told me he is scared about the depth of feelings he has for me. I feel exactly the same. It is terrifying.

The thing that gets to me is that why should I be willing to compromise on what I want, when he won't compromise on what he does? We really want this to work it just seems bloody impossible!

Maybe he is hurt too that's why he doesn't want to talk about the loss, men show emotions differently. You also need to let him know that you can't live like this if he doesn't want to move forward what's the point of having a relationship and that it's not fair for you or your child

I think not being able to talk is a really big deal.My stbex was charming and the Mr Nice Guy, he seemed to adore me however we couldn't really talk..I thought we could but realise it was more superficial.
It causes massive issues and I really wouldn't stay with a man who can't talk with you.I know men express emotions differentely but they can talk.

I just think he is stalling you and not being emotionally open so you have having to second guess.

What are his parents like?