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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling guilty about friend

7 replies

user1478265589 · 13/12/2016 16:40

I grew up with a girl who now has depression, bipolar, anxiety and NPD. She's always been hard work (very sensitive, would put herself into dangerous situations with unreliable people, self-harm and suicide attempts when things weren't going her way, has to be centre of attention, jealous) but I cared about her a lot as we'd known each other from birth, and I helped her through a lot of bad times over the years.

A couple of years ago she told a lot of our mutual friends about me insulting her, whilst in tears, which resulted in me being questioned about this cruelty I'd shown to her. Actually, it didn't happen. Since then, I've stepped back but I still sort of feel guilty. I know mental illness is what's making her act this way, but where's the line between mental illness and personality? Her life isn't going well and I feel like I should be supporting her, but I don't want to deal with the drama, lies and manipulation.

Anyone been in a similar friendship?

WWYD?

OP posts:
Adora10 · 13/12/2016 16:46

I'd keep away personally, I had a good friend but eventually felt so drained by her constant craving for my assurance of her entire being I just decided it was too one sided iykwim, depression or not, behaviour is still a choice.

Happybunny19 · 13/12/2016 16:55

I'm with Adora, I would stay away. Mental illness isn't an excuse to behave badly and people who suffer with it are still capable of being arseholes.

DixieWishbone · 13/12/2016 17:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ahickiefromkinickie · 13/12/2016 21:56

Another vote for stay away.

Cricrichan · 13/12/2016 22:01

She sounds narcissistic too? What's npd? Depression and anxiety and bipolar doesn't mean that she has to lie about you behind your back.

Greenandmighty · 13/12/2016 22:01

Your mental health is important too. "Friends" such as these can drag you into a mire of misery. It's no good being a martyr - you have to protect yourself at times.

LellyMcKelly · 13/12/2016 23:00

Surround yourself with friends who help and support each other. You cannot fix her. You are not her counsellor. If it's one sided and draining, then you should step back. If she's bad mouthing you to others then you owe her nothing. Those aren't the actions of a friend.

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