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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this guy harassing me or am I being paranoid

8 replies

Isyss · 13/12/2016 13:00

I just want to give a little background so you know the full story.
I had met him at a festival when I was drunk in August. He is 9 years older than me and has two children. I am 26 with no children.

Ever since I have known him he has consistently made "jokes" about us getting married. He has questioned me on when I would like children, when I said I am not ready to have them in my 20's he seemed disappointed and said I have to try now (he meant with him)
A lot of his comments I brushed off because irrespective of this we had good conversations about other things.

He would constantly ask me to come on holiday with him, claiming he would pay and ask me to come with him to Cornwall.
I agreed to go corn with him until he told me its an over night thing so I declined.
Basically what he was trying to do was get me in a hotel with him.

He also tried to do this when he knew I was going to America to see my family in November begging me for him to come out there with me, I told him I wanted to go alone and he wouldn't stop asking me so I cut him off and stopped answering his calls. This was around two weeks before I left for America.

I did however answer one of his messages when I was in America and then started talking to him again. (I have no idea why I did so)
He calmed down with his clingyness when I was in America but when I returned it started again.

He did drive me to go collect my car, he offered and I accepted when I returned. Obviously a mistake because he seemed to believe I now owed him something.
I saw him on the day I returned and then he wanted to see me again two days later, He was grilling me on what I was doing in the evening when I said I was busy.
I just wanted to relax after being on holiday and sort my life out but he was just trying to force me to come out.

It got to much and I finally stopped answering his calls when he called me on private number and said "its isyss boyfriend, its your boyfriend"

I just hung up the phone and kept ignoring his calls (which where everyday) and his message.
Eventually I just blocked him.
This was two weeks ago.

Today I got a call from him on private number and he said "what have i done, what have i done" but in a jokey manner.
I just hung up the phone and he called me back again, I cut off the phone.

I don't understand why he would call me if I blocked him, we were nothing. I never had sex or anything with him.
I also don't feel I owe him any explanation, If I don't want to speak to you anymore you shouldnt contact me its not exactly like I knew him long and we went on ONE date.

What do You think?

OP posts:
Greypaw · 13/12/2016 13:28

If I understand this right, you went on one date with him and have chatted to him / seen him on a platonic basis, but he behaves as if he's your boyfriend?

I guess in an ideal world you've had told him straight that you weren't interested in a relationship and just wanted to be friends, but declining his invitations, refusing to be drawn into conversations about being in a relationship with him and rejecting his calls are a pretty clear message.

In any case, I'd say calling you every day for the past two weeks and using a hidden number to circumvent your screening of him is inappropriate, yes.
He's calling you on a private number so you don't know it's him and you pick up the phone, so he forces you to engage with him.

I might have this wrong, but would it help to tell him in writing that you don't want to hear from him again? Just thinking that if you needed to report him at any point it might help to have evidence that you asked him to stop his behaviour?

CharlotteCollins · 13/12/2016 13:55

I hope he doesn't know where you live.

Yy to giving him a clear message and then reporting.

forumdonkey · 13/12/2016 13:59

Have you had a thread about him before? Did he look after your cat when a friend died?

EvaWild · 13/12/2016 14:05

That is definitely not right. I so hope he doesn't know where you live.

ghostspirit · 13/12/2016 14:12

donkey that came into my mind to.

Arfarfanarf · 13/12/2016 14:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

userformallyknownasuser1475360 · 13/12/2016 14:19

Contact Police, they have power to serve him with a notice to stop the behaviour.

HermioneJeanGranger · 13/12/2016 14:27

Is this the one who looked after your flat/cat for you?

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