Dh xmas do and possible lap dancing bar

[Crazycake]

I've been with DH 10 years, I adore him just like I believe hope he adores me. We've had issues in the past regarding porn, I'm not dead against it per se but he's so secretive about it, uses it at least twice a week.
We have a relatively good sex life, we dtd at least once a week.

We met through work, I know through male colleagues that they'd been to lap dance bars before, he says completely innocent, mutual male colleagues have told me he has in the past payed for private dances although he denies this.

On Saturday he went on a works doo in a local city (we no longer work together). He rarely drinks and usually turns these things down, I was so pleased that he'd decided to go. We live in the sticks and there wasn't much way of him getting back so I offered to do the 2 hour round trip to get him. When I got there he was very charming, said he'd missed me, his friends were impressed I'd gone to pick him up etc. I said don't be silly, you'd do that for me.

Roll on tonight, (I've never felt the need to check up on him, I trust him implicitly) he asked me to check up on a parcel for our Dd, I couldn't reach the link so went into history. Saturday he looked up lap dancing bars in the city he was in and googled one particular place several times.

I'm not really sure why I'm posting, maybe just wondered wwyd?

How do you feel about lap dancing bars?

My stbxh occasionally went to lap dancing bars. "He didn't like them, he didn't agree with them, only went along as was close friends stag dos etc. He had a private dance once and was very uncomfortable."

I accepted these one off occasions at the time, that he hadn't chosen the venue and had no choice. I probably believe the things he has said about not enjoying it. But in hindsight I had very low expectations.

I feel the clubs are exploitative of and degrading to women and he would not have gone ever if he genuinely agreed with that view as he claimed.

I also feel private dances are akin to cheating. I do not think him going was good for our relationship.

But that's me.
How do you feel?

Honestly I think it was the fact he concealed it. I don't have an issue with strip or lap dancing places. I've been to both and to places where guys do the stripping. I think if he'd been up front about it maybe you would feel differently or would you have objected?

I would ask him where he went out on Saturday.

Then I would tell him you saw his Google history and why.

Then I'd ask him again.

Does he know what you think about them, btw?

Do you think he went with colleagues to the lap dance bar or went by himself?

Not many women would be happy with DP having their xmas party in such a bar.

I wouldn't be happy about it at all, and I'd be even less impressed that he's not told me about it.

This would be a huge issue for me.

I would not be happy about that at all

I would be fuming. Partly because personally strip clubs/lap-dancing clubs are not a place I would be happy for my DP to go but partly because he's clearly been a bit sneaky about it. Plus he has lied in the past about paying for private dances.

Porn, lap dancing, private dances.........not a good road to go down imo.

I wouldn't tolerate the porn, never mind him spending our money on some stripper turning him on, just far too sleazy for me.

If you say you are ok with both then it's just about the fact he never told you so you shouldn't exactly be angry or livid about it?

Perhaps you are trying to be too cool and now it's biting your bum so to speak...