Hi all,
NC for this as it's potentially outing but am a long term poster.
I need some advice about whether or not I should get involved in a situation and if I do get involved, what the hell I should do?!
Went to visit SIL today (we get on very well and are like sisters) and she disclosed to me that my DBro has been behaving really awfully recently. Without going into too much detail he has been accusing her of cheating, controlling where she goes and then getting her to take pictures of where she is to prove it. This has been going on for a while but has escalated recently to the point that they are arguing in front of the children and he even told their oldest that Mummy was seeing someone else (she absolutely isn't).
Lots of other really awful stuff has been going on and it turns out that although he hasn't actually hit her, their have been incidents where he has been physical - hair pulling etc. The DC haven't seen any of this happening, just heard some of the arguing.
DBro has recently been to the gp and been given AD, which were seeming to be having an effect but the last two weeks have seen his behaviour get worse and his drinking increase.
As a seasoned Mumsnetter, I realise that a lot of these behaviours are red flags and if I were reading this thread I would be shouting LTB but she seems to have no idea that his behaviour is unacceptable. Her DM was in a DV relationship for much of my SIL's childhood so her view is very much 'at least he doesn't hit me'!
If this was a friend of mine, I would give her advice but potentially stay out of it but this is my brother and my DN! Surely I should do something... but what? I could talk to my Dad about it but would have to hide it from my Mum initially ( DBro is the golden boy and she would definitely minimise his behaviours). Even then though I'm not sure what this would achieve as my DBro is in his late 30's!
I don't want to talk to him about it as he has in the past been aggressive with me ( not for 10 years or so much I wouldn't trust him). Have asked DH what he thinks I should do but he is just shocked that things seem to got out of hand so quickly.
I'm sorry for the long post but I'm really worried. I'm sure the DC aren't in physical danger but what all this is doing emotionally I do not know! My SIL won't leave my DBro as she really doesn't see how bad his behaviour is, even though she said to me today that she doesn't know what he would do to her if she sought help from somewhere like the GP behind his back. It's just so fucked up!