Moving on

[Mybeautifullife1]

So, myself and my husband are in the process of separating. We separated 4.5 years ago ans reconciled 2 years ago. It's currently dreadful and my husband refuses to engage. On that basis, we have to separate as we can't go on as we are.

When we separated last time I was very ill with the stress of it all. Going over and over and over things in my head, like they were on a loop. I can feel myself slipping into that pattern again and the feeling of anxiety has lodged itself in my chest.

So - how do I just "get over it"? I'm angry with myself that I allowed him back and that he gets to move on with relative ease. But I know it makes no difference. So how do I move on?

What is your situation?
Mortgage?
Kids?
I don't think anyone can 'just get over it'
You have a whole process to go through of grieving for the loss of your relationship.
Will you be moving out?
Back home?
Do you have supportive friends and family who can help you?

CBT is awesome at switching off that loop.

You are in an awful situation, I don't think I'd expect to be able to magically get my thoughts in order, having been through the things you have endured.

Maybe Visit the GP and see if any help is Available.

My situation is three kids, two of whom are his. House is in my name but mortgaged. He will be moving out, subject to finding somewhere.

I know I need some better self talk. I'm grieving a relationship that never really existed other than in my head. If it meant anything to him then he'd fight to save it but clearly can't be arsed. I think I deserve better but even if I don't, I don't want this. Sorry. I'm rambling.

Ramble away. That's whet this place is for.

:)

I think your feelings are normal.You don't want it to end but at the same time can't stay within the relationship.

I don't feel men do walk away without consequences, they often appear to as they close down emotions but ultimately the emotions will be there.
Men face the loss of family, money and mostly do worse after separation as they don't have the support network women have (which is often why they rush into another relationship).

A new relationship is often a shortcut for them to reduce the pain but it's still there.

I am just separated and initially had the feeling of relief from walking in eggshells but the reality of dealing with the house sale, move, telling children has hit hard.I'm having bad days and today a total panic attack, which is very unlike me.

I think you need to get support from the outset, line up counselling or cbt.It really does help.
Divorce is a process, many steps but you will get there in the end.At the start it is daunting and I know I will face losses before I start rebuilding.
That's the most uncomfortable stage, in between the old and the new.The new is uncertainty but the old will be more of the same.

I have written a journal and reasons why I need to leave, it helpful as I look at it when I waiver.