I'm 24, partner is the same age. We have been together for over 8 years. We have two sons together (aged 4 & 1). We bought a house together 3 years ago.
3 years ago he went on his Xmas do, came home at 5am and I had a gut feeling something wasn't right. He was cold with me. A week later he finished with me claiming he didn't love me anymore. I asked if there was someone else and he claimed no. 2 weeks later he came over to ours to look after our son and fell asleep. I looked through his phone and turns out he had met another woman on the Xmas night out and had been seeing her. I was devasted. Heartbroken. After Christmas he told me he wanted to come back and give it another go for the new year. I loved him and didn't want to be on my own with a 1 year old (1 at the time). So we worked through it.
Fast forward 3 years on, we got engaged 7 months ago. We had been looking at wedding venues etc and I don't know why I felt like there was something missing between us. So I stupidly started texting another man telling him I was single and unhappy (I know I expect to get abuse for this). My partner knew something was up and read all of the texts on my phone. This was in August. I said sorry but felt like my partner was off with me all the time and I couldn't put my finger on what it was but I wanted to make it work. He stayed around but we kept arguing over it - yet I still had a funny feeling my partners heart wasn't really "with me" as such.
One month later he was being cold and distant. I checked his phone bill and he had text a random number a few times that I didn't recognise. I put the number on Facebook and it was a woman he works with. So before confronting him that I knew he had text someone else I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt n see what had been said. I looked at his phone and the number and texts were deleted. So alarm bells were ringing. Eventually I said to him "are u speaking to someone else" and he goes "no why are u accusing me I'm fucking sick of this" etcetc and stormed off to work and told me it was finished between us. I told him I knew he had text the woman from his work and he claimed it was all innocent and couldn't be with me anymore because of what I had done.
He got his stuff in September and went back to his moms. I was devasted. He continued to text her. I begged for him back so many times. He said he needed space and have me a date in two weeks time to sit down and talk. All this time he was talking to her. I was a wreck. I then told him I knew and that was the end. A few days later I couldn't cope and begged for him back. He said he didn't want too and that it wasn't because of someone else.'Fast forward to end of November, I told him I knew they were still in contact and that i couldn't beg anymore and that it was the end for me. He then said he was sorry etc and wanted to give us another go. He come back home and swore he hadn't been speaking to her etc. One min he would be fine with me, the next he was cold. I asked him what was wrong and he said he wanted to make it work. Eventually things were getting ok between us (or so I thought). Last Saturday I had my works do in the evening, and he was going to work on the Saturday day and going straight to a football match after. When he left on Saturday morning he was cold and not wearing the coat he usually wears for football (it's cold there) and my instincts knew something was wrong!! So I asked him where he was after work, he said he was at his mates house in XXXXX as it was easier to go there as closer to the football stadium. I did the "find my iPhone" thing on his phone. He was no where near the area he said he was, however he did then go to the football but then went bk to that address.
I asked him again where he was and he said "what's with all the questions I'm at the pub with XXX and coming home soon". He wasn't at the pub at all - he was back at the address from before. I had my Xmas do and couldn't go and confront him. He left the address at 7. I then got home that night at 4am. He was overly nice and cuddly. I said to him is this guilt, I know u was with that woman from work today and your telling me u want to give it another go?!?!! He then broke down crying and came clean - told me he was with her and they had spoken at work again, he took her to the football, and that he's fallen for her and that he's SORRY and didn't want me to find out this way. I cried and said why was u living back with me and the kids? N he said because he wanted to get Christmas out the way and he can't help his feelings and he has tried.
I've been a wreck. All yesterday I cried, he just says he is sorry but he's fallen for her. I've said what about me and our boys etc. I am so so destraught. I hate staying on my own I am obbsessed with him. I asked him to stay at our home last night so I wasn't on my own. I just cried. He told me if he stays around its for the wrong reasons. All I wanted was a family for my boys - how can he be so cruel to me. Especially after I told everyone we wer giving it another go.
I haven't been to work today I'm so so ill over it all. I have no backbone and just feel like I'd do anything to have him back even though he's shit all over me and the kids. I said its history repeating itself and he just says he is sorry. My life is a mess.