Don't want to 'do' Christmas this year

[woodenblocks]

This will be the first Christmas without my toddler dd, having split from my long term abusive ex. He will be having her this year.
I am gutted about it and just want to avoid Christmas this year. I don't want to be at home, I don't want to go to family (controlling narc mum and dad). I can't enjoy it and I would rather escape and go somewhere else and be by myself.
Wondered if anyone else was in the same position and done something similar?

Go volunteer to work at s homeless shelter instead and have your Xmas day on Boxing Day instead

I have had many christmases in my past when i just felt so miserable and wanted it all to go away...so have sympathy
Its not compulsory ...you could not do it...you do not have to go to family, you do not have to have a tree/decorations , you do not have to even acknowledge it if you dont want to.
I used to have to when i was with exDH and was desparately wanting to be with or be somewere else, because i had children old enough to know what christmas was all about. I used to make myself a sort of reverse advent calender and cross of the days until it was over.....

It is so hard to not be affected by the media and retail sectors portrayal of christmas...everyone has the perfect family, the perfectly decorated home, the most wonderful time...bah bloomin humbug...most of us DONT.

So just ignore it, do not make it a special day, stay in bed if you want, watch a completely non christmas related boxset or film....

I am sure many people will come on and say to get yourself some treats, eat nice food, spoil yourself on christmas day, i do not think that works , it reminds you it is supposedly a special day...i would treat it like a normal day when you would not have your dd..what do you do those days ? maybe some early spring cleaning ? maybe a good clean out of the wardrobes...basically anything non christmas related and remember it is only 1 day and it to will pass.

Don't do it! I'm a bereaved parent. The only reason I 'do' Xmas is because I have two youngish children. But once they grow up, I'm quite happy treating it exactly as it is: another day.

You don't have to volunteer at a homeless shelter , or get treats in or do anything. Go for a walk. Stay in. Clean. Sleep.

Whatever you want.

Thank you for your replies.

I almost feel like I want to get away, I don't even know if I want to stay in the house. And I want to be on my own.
I can't face volunteering, I know that's what I probably should be doing but I'm not up for it, not this year.

I'm just so upset about missing Christmas with dd she is so excited about it this year. Just reached that age when she is beginning to understand.
I know I need to get a grip, hopefully this will improve with time.

I would also be missing Boxing Day with her due to distance

There's not much point in anyone saying "volunteer at a homeless shelter" when the rotas will have been written up for weeks.

I'm really sorry your little girl will be with her dad, OP. Please don't go to your parents' house. Stay in - get some nice food in and stay in your pyjamas. I'd avoid drinking much if you're on your own and fed up, though. Come on here - there are always tons of people here on Christmas Day.

And for you in memory of your lovely daughter, expat.

And for you in memory of your lovely daughter, expat.

At her age she has no idea of dates or how long Xmas lasts - must have yr own special Xmas with her before she goes to his.

The first one on your own will be the hardest (as are all the firsts). Last year was my first without ds1+2 and it was horrible, but the anticipation and the run up and thinking about it was actually worse than the day itself iyswim. I cried a lot of tears in December! In the end I spent the day with friends and got through it. I also 'did' Christmas on a different day with the kids (pantomime and meal out a few days before they went away). No real advice, just sending hugs, and letting you know I've been there too (as probably have many of us on here). x

Just have your own early xmas...
my aunt & uncle did this for years when cousens were small & he had to work
Also couples who each have to go to their separate families for Xmas