Chemistry...or????

[Saltfish]

I'm a 33 yr old woman who's just started a new job in memory care...I've only been there 3 weeks now but there is this girl I work with who I have amazing chemistry with...the worst thing is she is only 20. I just love being around her and she is so lovely and thoughtful. I just can't tell if I actually like her as more than friends or just have a deep affection for her.
She is incredibly naive and has so many endearing qualities..she is truly lovely. I'm just so confused and don't know what to do with how I feel..or even what I feel? The age thing really freaks me out as well..can anyone shine some perspective on this?

Don't panic . You obviously feel a connection but f you 'just can't tell' then bide your time.

If she's naive AND, you see this as a big age gap (which it is, in a way that it wouldn't be if she were thirty and you forty three) then even more reason to sit with it. Infatuation can come hard and fast but it might pass. Is this the first time you've felt this way for a woman? Do you think she's gay or bi?

It really is the age thing...that is a massive gap for me and I've always dated predominently older women. (I'm lesbian) I've always thought it really creepy when men go for much younger women..then this happens.

I've been single for 3 years with no interest in a relationship so this has kind of knocked me for six. I think I'm just so flattered by her thoughtfulness. I have no idea if she is gay or bi...she is just very down to earth but lives a very sheltered life. Her presence is totally disarming. I'd at least like to become friends with her but I don't know how to go about that and if that's even weird because of the age difference?

The friendship thing I dont think is weird. My mum made a number of female friends with very different ages through through her work. She even went to Take That concerts with them despite a good 20+ year age gap. Since she retired to a foreign country they have all mostly stayed in touch and I can see them asking her to meet up when she announces on Facebook she is coming back to visit people.

It just frustrates me that I can never like someone that isn't in some way completely wrong for me..ive already been blowing a bit hot and cold with her which isn't fair on her. Maybe I should just take a step back and focus on my work.

Or just ask. I am not sure the age gap is much of a problem. Two of my friends from university met their DPs there as teenagers whereas their partners were very nice PhD students in their very late 20s.

Even if she says she isnt into women then you can then continue to be friends with a clear line that is not to be overstepped.

Do you think I should just ask her if she wants to be friends? She does seem keen and seems to enjoy spending time around me..

Does anyone ask to be friends. I dont think I have? It just develops doesnt it? Going for a drink after work. Sharing lunch outside the office. etc. If she has an interest outside work that you might also want to enjoy, ask to tag along.

Does she know you are a lesbian?

Nope she has no clue. I am very private about my private life... I work loads so don't know if I'd be able to actually do anything outside of work. Days off are gold dust. Things will work out I'm sure...whatever is meant to be will happen. I'm not going to think too much into it.

The fact that you are gay is irrelevant. It is a much younger work colleague and I imagine you are in a more senior role and meed to be professional and maintain the respect of others.

You are lonely and infatuated. Put your sensible head back on and focus on work at work. Whatever you do keep it professional.

Keep your carnal instincts to yourself. You are employed to work, not to date.

We are at the same level. I've had a career change and have gotten into LTC to gain experience in preparation for becoming an RN.

I wouldn't say I'm either lonely or infatuated. I've enjoyed 3 years on my own. I mean I think I like her but I'm also confused as to whether I just feel an affection for her of sorts. I never said I was going to act on anything other than friendship. Just trying to sort through my feelings.

You are employed to work, not to date.

That would certainly reduce the growth in population. My DPs boss met his wife at work. My parents met at work. My sister is dating someone from her work. At least one work colleague met their DP at one of their previous jobs.

My sister is dating someone from her work.

If it's a small company, one of them should seek new employment.

If it's a large company, one of them should request a transfer to a different department/location.

Why? This isnt the army with rules about that sort of thing.

Has my OP struck a chord satomi?

struck a chord

Years of experience and observation.

Workplace relationships have the potential to cause major disruption to a business, affecting not just the individuals directly involved, but their colleagues as well.

I had specifically said I wasn't going to pursue anything further.

The age gap sounds too big when the younger one is that age IMO.

LOL at "carnal instincts"

I don't know anyone still said things like that.

Almost makes me feel like some kind of predator!

Satomi don't be ridiculous! Loads of people meet their oh at work and they don't have to change jobs lol.

Op both your ages rather than the age gap would be a big issue for me. I probably wouldn't consider it further because at 33 I'd consider myself a lot more mature and experienced than a 20 year old. Different if she was 30 and I was in my 40s. But there's nothing wrong in pursuing the relationship as long as you realise that it may not go anywhere and she may not be ready to settle down etc which is more likely in your 30s.

I agree that the age gap is more likely to be a problem .

DD is in a similar situation, she is 32 and her GF is 22. DD is all " let's buy a house and have babies " and her GF is " WTAF" . GF is in a great job and is very ambitious so is not interested in "settling down".

But anyway, first things first - have you even found out if the object of your affections is into women?

Ironically she seems more interested in marriage and children than me. (We are in suburban America where it is very common to become engaged in your early 20s, I personally couldn't think of anything more stupid) I also have nursing school to think about which won't allow for much time for someone else though it isn't outside the realm of possibility. I'd never say never to marriage but it's not something that's ever been important to me.
I have no idea if she has any gay feelings although I do get the vibe it's something she'd at least be curious about. With that in mind, I'd rather not be someone's experiment.

Ha! DD is in London where middle class educated ambitious straight women do not get married until their 30s. Although she tells me that there's a lot of pressure on the LGB scene to do the whole commitment thing.

In joke ( apparently ) . Question - what do lesbians do on their second date. Answer -Go flat hunting

I Think you are wise not to want to be someone's experiment .unless you are just looking for something causal and won't get your heart broken

Yep that sounds about right. Lesbian relationships are known to be full on...that is however NOT my style at all.
I lived in England for 11 years so felt more culturally adapted to their school of thought on marriage.
I've been single for 3 years after a very bad relationship and could quite happily never be in one again but things happen I guess and people come along. But let's just say I am not proactive in looking at all. I think I will 110% stop at friendship with her. This thread has already helped me see the light!