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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Why does my boyfriends ex call me names

32 replies

Louw12345 · 11/12/2016 23:14

Ok so been with my boyfriend 16 weeks his ex has recently started calling me names and it's really bothering me.
I really want to get intouch with her and ask why but I don't want my boyfriend to suffer like him not be able to see his kids.
Why has she started this

OP posts:

lokivonpoki · 11/12/2016 23:26

How old Are his DC?
Weee you the OW?
Have you gave her any reason to 'call you names'?

After 16weeks I'm assuming hope you haven't met his kids?

How old are you?

Boogers · 11/12/2016 23:34

Right, first of all, don't contact her. It's nothing to do with you. Some calls you a bad name. So what. Seriously, so what. Are you a grown up? Yes? Then stop worrying
what people think of you.

16 weeks is very early to be indulging in this kind of drama. Are you sure you're not on the set of a contemporary soap opera?

Ohitdo · 11/12/2016 23:35

How do you know she is calling you names? Is that directly to your face or via him?

Original poster

Louw12345 · 11/12/2016 23:38

Step daughter 5 and son 3.

No he was single when I met him

No I have done everything she has wanted from me. Like meeting her etc.

Yes we have met each others children and the children have met each other we all love spending time together.

We both only have one previous relationship each. He was with her for 4 years and I was with my ex for 12 years.

I'm 30 years old and so is he. His ex in 28 she also has borderline personality disorder.
She told his sister to have a word with him and said they would be married by now.
I understand she will be hurting that he's moved on and ar first she seemed fine but she's got worse like not letting him see his step daughter. Or drop the kids off but pick them up again l8r. He has weekend access Friday to sunday.
She didn't let him see his step daughter on her birthday. I know he has no rights over her coz he's not her biological dad but she has his name and he pays for her and takes care and loves her like his own

OP posts:

Original poster

Louw12345 · 11/12/2016 23:40

Via him she texts him when he's with me

OP posts:

lookatyourwatchnow · 11/12/2016 23:41

At 16 weeks in you really need to not be getting involved.

puglife1 · 11/12/2016 23:44

Ignore her. She sounds a bit immature and needs to grow up. Rise above it and do not contact her.

Original poster

Louw12345 · 11/12/2016 23:44

Ok Iv never been in a situation like this so wasn't sure how to handle it. So will leave it to him to sort out. Thank you for your advice

OP posts:

ClopySow · 11/12/2016 23:44

16 weeks is really early days to be involving such young children.

How long had they been split when you met?

ghostspirit · 11/12/2016 23:49

Yes defently ignore. Soon as your respond she's got what she wants. Maybe tell your boyfriend not to show you the messages you don't need to see them

Original poster

Louw12345 · 11/12/2016 23:52

Yes that's what he said. Iv told him now I don't want to know anything else

OP posts:

Lunar1 · 12/12/2016 00:00

If you'd been around for 16 weeks and were referring to my children as your step children I'd be calling you (and the idiot ex) names too.

Original poster

Louw12345 · 12/12/2016 00:02

I haven't said they are my step children. He has a step daughter. They are hos children and I have my children

OP posts:

HeddaGarbled · 12/12/2016 00:16

16 weeks is very early days. Don't believe everything you are being told. She may not have borderline personality disorder, she may not be calling you names, she may not be stopping him seeing his children/step-children. You don't know him very well yet, you certainly don't know her and you don't know his sister.

Calm down and be a little more sceptical. There are often two sides to the stories people tell, particularly following relationship break ups.

JenLindleyShitMom · 12/12/2016 00:21

Step way back. At 16 weeks you don't know anyone well enough to be this involved in their lives. Seriously, you'll find out a lot more about him down the line that will have you wishing you'd taken it more slowly, especially with DCs.

MyKingdomForBrie · 12/12/2016 00:22

Read the thread lunar..

Original poster

Louw12345 · 12/12/2016 00:50

Thanks for all your advice.

OP posts:

MrsDustyBusty · 12/12/2016 11:30

Oh listen. So he has children, stepchildren from the last relationship and you have children. And they're calling names/tattling about who called whom what and all that?

That's quite shocking for adults. Are you sure, after 16 weeks, you wouldn't be better off finding a less complicated relationship?

Original poster

Louw12345 · 12/12/2016 11:55

No she calls me. She has an issue with our relationship. I was simply asking if I appoach her or not.
He has never called her to me and I don't ever expect him to.
My ex stopped seeing his children for 3 weeks when he found out I was in a relationship (eventho he has a girlfriend )what do I do bow down to his wants coz he wants to be a selfish arse no way I have been there and done that for 12 years .
My boyfriend and I deserve to be happy outsiders just have to get over their shit coz it isn't going to brake us up!

OP posts:

LesisMiserable · 12/12/2016 11:56

There's two ways this could go (nine times out of ten it's one or the other, rarely is there option 3)

1/ He could hide from you when she texts and not relay the texts to you therefore not involve you and fuel the triangulation that he's got going around him (tale as old as time). The downside being you'll start wondering what he's hiding in regards to her.

2/ He could show you all the texts in a bid to be transparent and you could resolve not to respond, ever. Hopefully both he and she will get bored with using texts to try and stimulate drama.

Original poster

Louw12345 · 12/12/2016 12:21

He told me coz he doesn't want any secrets I believe he his an honest person. He has asked her not to speak bad of me before and her reply was she has only done it once.
This time he asked her again not to talk about me like that as I hAve nothing wrong to her and to only contact regarding the children. Her reply was slagging me off again so he said to her he has left him no choice but to block her. And any contact is to go through his mum.
This to me is a problem because there needs to be contact for the children but she can't leave it at just that. She brings up theor past relationship all the time.
She text to tell him she's no longer in a relationship. He is not bothered what she gets up to and who she's with. She is an adult and he respects any choice she makes regarding her life and who she has involved in the childrens life because that's her choice.

OP posts:

Original poster

Louw12345 · 12/12/2016 12:26

She sent him a picture of a guys penis then a picture of her smiling with the caption of I'm happy now.

OP posts:

LesisMiserable · 12/12/2016 14:14

Option 2 it is then. No respomse, ever. .

Original poster

Louw12345 · 12/12/2016 14:23

Yes No communication will hopefully help the situation

OP posts:

Chari6 · 16/05/2021 03:03

Listen 👂 I'm going through the same thing just now I stared seeing someone who I knew for over 30 years I freinds request him days later he msg asking me out for a coffee ☕ went swapped number I listen to his problems with his marriage met him everty week as he works long hours 2 months later I slept with him at the end of January he said he wanted to be with me his wife threw him out for a reason which I'm not going to say but he didn't go bk home he went to stay with a relative and now he's at his mum but we had a argument over a week ago but I thought t it was ok I tx him the next night but he didn't answer my tx bk so I had no heard from him he's ignoring me I met his wife since it all came out yesterday and she called manky bit I did always tell him to go bk to his wife and to sort it out IV got the tx to prove it I'm just shocked x

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