I feel very bad and like a bad person; I'll explain why.
About six weeks ago I left my partner of almost 6 years convinced I was going to start a new life with this man who moved here from overseas. I wasn't entirely convinced about things but I was ready to give it a shot.
He left his home there thinking he was gonna start a new, better life here marrying me (initially to be able to stay but with the intention of staying together to see if we were really meant to be forever as silly as it sounds).
Right after landing he started saying that he wasn't sure he was gonna stay because it had become apparent to him that the UK doesn't offer the same financial support with education as his country, where he told me he could get grants to study. At this point I was a bit shocked because I had invested financially in a place of my own to embark on this and spent quite a bit, as well as being taken by surprise by his wanting to suddenly study when he was talking about finding a job here all along.
During the last day together he then told me all this was due to him being disorientated the first days and missing home. That's understandable but he kept telling me until a few days ago that he wasn't sure about staying or going back on the date his return ticket was for (the original plan was that he wouldn't use that and marry me so he could get to stay) so it wasn't just the first few days of adjusting. I never got the impression he had been impressed by England either.
The date of his return was today. He got on the plane and is on it at the moment, flying back home.
We spent all yesterday talking about it. He had decided to stay but I had concluded I didn't want to get married without any guarantees for the future. He kept telling me with no guy I could be 100% sure the marriage would last forever and kept asking me what I wanted him to do, putting all the pressure on me. I ended up telling him I wanted him to stay as I was feeling really bad about it, seeing how disappointed and hurt he seemed and since he was adamant that I was sending him back and that he would never want to see me in person again (he said he'd keep in touch online but just that). Talking and talking he seemed to think I was pushing him to go as I wasn't budging on the marriage matter.
I feel like a bad person for letting him down like that. I didn't want him to go like that. I just don't want to marry and then divorce for stupid reasons because we rushed it. I needed some reassurance that he wasn't ready to give me. At the airport we both got emotional. He kept saying how on the plane here he had thought he was going towards a new life and he was instead going back and that he didn't expect me to let him go.
Sorry if I sound silly but I'm feeling really guilty right now. Thanks for reading.