I have been in a relationship for 7 years. In the beginning it was absolutely perfect. In the first year we had our first son, we were so happy. Then I got pregnant again with our other son, deering my pregnancy he was working out of town. I was trying to take care of our new baby and my daughter. And was feeling lonely and depressed. At this time I could talk to him about anything so I told him how I was feeling. He didnt seem to care. So I did something I wished I could take back. I cheated on him 1 time. After that I seen his face and the hurt on his face about killed me. That has been 4 years ago and our relationship has not been the same. I thought we would become closer after everything we have been through, our son had kidney failer when he was born he was in the hospital for 2 months, it was terrible. We have split up 4 times after this and always end up back together. But i have distance myself from him , especially now Im working and trying to take care of the kids and bills while he stays at home. He is always wanting me to talk about our problems. I want to but when I do start to talk I go blank and no words will come out. When I do say something he has a way to use my words against me. I feel like anything I say is wrong or just stupid. I dont want to throw 7 years down the drain. I want my boys to hAVE thier dad. But i dont know how much emotional and verbal abuse i can take. Sometimes I feel he is just messy with my head. I need help, I dont know what to do anymore, i just shut down when he is around. and dont know what to say. Sometimes I hear him crying in the next room because i dont talk to him. I hate the way things are and I dont know what to do. Anything I say Im either lying or he says its bullshit. Someone please help me I love him and dont want to lose him............ I have to watch what I do and say when im around people, i have no friends just my mother.