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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Would you be annoyed if your boyfriend was on a works night out and didn't text you?

50 replies

ringaling · 10/12/2016 21:52

Having a girls night with a friend and her boyfriend is out for a works Christmas night out.
He hasn't text her since 6pm and she's upset.
It's a works night out and no partners...just a meal and drinks.
In all honesty she's driving me insane..I wouldn't care at all.
Would you?

OP posts:

Helbelle75 · 10/12/2016 22:01

I would only want to know he got home safely. I'd tell him to put his phone down and enjoy himself!

LillyLollyLandy · 10/12/2016 22:03

How long have they been together? Tell her to chill and leave him in peace. Does she want to look like the desperate girlfriend to all his colleagues?

Original poster

ringaling · 10/12/2016 22:05

September time I think ..not 100%
Tonight has been a epic fail,so much for a girlie X factor night.

OP posts:

girlelephant · 10/12/2016 22:09

Her chat sounds awful! Poor you

Trills · 10/12/2016 22:10

If he didn't live with me I wouldn't even expect to hear that he'd got home safely, I'd expect to hear from him sometime tomorrow.

Original poster

ringaling · 10/12/2016 22:13

She text saying "your quiet,having fun"

I'm just about to hide the sharp objects

OP posts:

IckleWicklePumperNickle · 10/12/2016 22:16

DH is out and his phone is next to me on the couch. She's BU.

Pestilence13610 · 10/12/2016 22:17

It is all to do with trust.
Next week DH will be at his works Christmas do, I know where he will be and roughly who he will be with. He will only text if something goes askew. ie 'will be home late, just taking Bob to A&E'
If she does not have that trust, she may have to question her whole relationship.

GameofPhones · 10/12/2016 22:18

Possessive and controlling, she'll drive him away (if he has any sense).

BumDNC · 10/12/2016 22:19

It's not always about trust it's this weird thing people have done to me too where they need to feel important that they are a priority and need people to check in on them.
I had a bloke do this to me once - I went to a big big event and my phone died, got in at 3am and fell asleep - awoke to 77666 messages getting more and more angry. We didn't live together or anything! I was so angry I dumped him over it

LillyLollyLandy · 10/12/2016 22:22

Oh dear. That's a passive aggressive text if ever there was one. It'll serve her right if he ignores it!

PrettySophisticated · 10/12/2016 22:23

I'd only ever contact dh from a night out if I wanted a lift home, but I'd have to ring, not text, as he wouldn't see the text once he's settled for the evening

Pestilence13610 · 10/12/2016 22:32

Bum you've reminded me DH used to text me obsessively excessively, mainly 'I love you' or 'is everything alright' Whilst I was at work, out with friends or buying bread, I challenged him and he said his ExDW used to get upset if he didn't. He stopped the needy texts and our communication improved vastly.

magoria · 10/12/2016 22:34

God no.

My DP texts me i say bugger off and have fun, see you when you get home.

QueenMortificado · 10/12/2016 22:36

Christ, she's managed to sound desperate and accusatory in one message

Original poster

ringaling · 10/12/2016 22:48

Do guys hate needy girls?
Would it be a massive turn off?

OP posts:

grobagsforever · 10/12/2016 22:51

Good lord. How old is she?

uhoh2016 · 10/12/2016 22:51

Christ the only text I'd want off my dh is "I'm in the kebab shop do you want food bringing home " 😋

Bluntness100 · 10/12/2016 22:53

She does indeed sound very needy and insecure, so I think you need to cut her some slack for that. No I wouldn't do it either, I've never done it and I've been with my husband for 27 years since I was 20. I've never needed him to contact me when on a night out, but she clearly does, which tells me she's deeply insecure in the relationship, to the extent it over shadows her own night out. Sad times, but it's a sign of something not right someplace

Original poster

ringaling · 10/12/2016 22:53

She is 32.
Not sure how old he is.
She's gone home thank goodness ..no doubt he will wake up to hello? Hello ? Are you there texts ha ha

OP posts:

Maverickismywingman · 10/12/2016 22:55

I've been one of these girls and I have friends who are these girls.

I've learnt that if you're having a good time, you won't want text and vice versa.
It's rude to present company to be sitting on your phone all night

If I were you, OP, I'd just call it a night and leave her to obsess over him.

Maverickismywingman · 10/12/2016 22:56

X post.

Thank goodness all is done and dusted.

I only stopped being like that when I was secure in myself and my relationship, so yes, she probably is insecure. Which is a shame.

sleepachu · 10/12/2016 23:04

I used to have a really claustrophobic boyfriend at school and I feel suffocated like I did then just reading about someone sending passive aggressive texts like that. It's a terrible way to treat someone.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 10/12/2016 23:07

No I wouldn't. It sounds very possessive and controlling.

I would find it quite smothering tbh.

applesandpears86 · 10/12/2016 23:12

If I wanted to text i would text... I wouldn't send a message like your friend has as it sounds quite passive aggressive. I sometimes end up texting a funny thing that's happened or a picture. Wouldn't expect a reply necessarily though.

Sounds like she's needy or that there are other issues in the relationship making her worried.

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