Hiya!
I'm going to try and explain this as best as possible as it does get a bit long and complicated!
DP and I are of different race. I have a 4 year old - who is not biologically DP's but he has raised him and is his dad for all intents and purposes.
We now have a very newborn DS2.
I have never met FIL. He is completely against the relationship and has said DP has destroyed their heritage, I've trapped him and that DP is uncultured and endangering the future of a dwindling culture.
MIL is a wet blanket and although hasn't got an issue with the relationship doesn't have the backbone to stand up for her son and his little family. She also has said some pretty unsavoury things to me/made me uncomfortable and challenged me about DS1's natural father - directly in front of DS1 which is totally not okay as he is NOT a part of his life, and for good reason.
DP did not notify parents of our relationship until we lived together however SIL, and other family members knew.
Whilst I was pregnant with DS2 FIL never made contact with DP and said some nasty things about all of us. MIL would contact him secretly. I felt very sorry for DP and went above and beyond to show him love as did my entire family.
Now DS2 has been born they are back in contact and quite frankly it's really pissed me off.
MIL plans to come up and stay for a weekend in the NY and DP has planned that late Christmas morning he will take DS2 over to meet them all and spend some time there.
When I was pregnant he was adamant they accepted me and DS1 or he would not be taking DS2 there, however this has all seemed to have changed, his parents are always calling him and asking for photos etc. I have not heard a word from any of them, I feel like a surrogate mother. I don't want to separate my children on Xmas day either. DP says it is fair because DS1 visits Grandparents from natural father for an afternoon every school holidays, and will do so a couple of days before Christmas so I cannot deny his parents access to DS2.
I feel so shut out. All of this because of my skin colour. DP has young siblings who are not allowed to come near me or DS1.
I feel like crying every time I think about the situation and I just don't know if I can cope with it for any longer.
I love DP but I can't tell if this is going to cause distress for the boys as they grow and quite frankly I don't want any of my children to ever feel left out. I feel so resentful towards DP and it's making me very snappy and it's all because I just feel alone and I guess a bit let down by him. I would never allow a family member of mine make him feel so shitty.
Should I be putting up with it because I love him? Or am I wrong for hoping this works out?
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DP's family's views getting me down :(
25 replies
Rinmybell · 10/12/2016 15:05
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