Feel a bit weird about this.

[UserWhatever]

Ok I've name changed for this as I am not sure what I am getting at really or if there is anything worth doing or saying.

I was at a friends birthday party not long ago. It went on late, in her home, lots of alcohol as bring your own. I lost track of the time and was thinking of ordering an uber and going home when some people said, we live just around the corner, come to ours. I knew a couple of those going so felt fine with it and the rest were friends of a close friend of mine one of whom had been showing me his baby pictures all night so proud of being a first time dad. A couple of them added me on facebook as we have a close friend in common and got on well during the party.

At the other persons house we kept drinking and then started to get tired. As we crashed out one by one on the sofa, I started to fall asleep and then I heard the people I knew saying, better go now, everyone is asleep. They were out the door before I got it together to get up. I reasoned it will be ok but the only two left were two guys.

I didnt feel in danger. Until I woke up to find one of them curled up with me on the sofa and feeling me up. It was over clothes though, he never went under clothes with his hands. I was so tired / been drinking I didnt shrug him off and he didnt seem to be going further that I would be in danger of an assault.

When the sun rose he was asleep and so was the other guy so I got up and went home but it freaked me out a bit.

he was also the guy showing me his wife and baby pictures.

I am not really sure what to do / say if anything. What would be the point. If I told my friend she is hardly going to him off or his wife.

Just one of those bad experiences I just forget?

...he didnt seem to be going further that I would be in danger of an assault...'

What he was doing already was assault.

When I have had a few drinks everyone knows how much I love them even strangers, it never crosses that line. Maybe that's how it was? Only you know

What he was doing already was assault.

True. I did keep taking his hands away from where I didnt want them and he kept doing it. I had too much to drink and didnt expect the people I knew to leave me there.

Did it cross the line for him to have his hand between my legs over my tights ? I think so.

It is still assault, he crossed a huge boundary, he's probably banking on you keeping quiet and has the excuse of him being drunk if you say anything, could even say you encouraged it.
Are you young? I hope you dont end up in a situation like this again, its a massive learning curve maybe where alcohol consumption is concerned. And i wouldnt class people who leave me alone with strangers 'friends' they didnt give a shit about you, real friends make sure you get home ok.

No I am not young. Well into my thirties. I mistakenly thought as this age and all of us professionals, we were beyond this kind of behaviour.

Wrong!

I would have been more vigilant when I was young / at uni and never one was in this position but I thought a lot of professionals all well into thirties there wouldnt be any of this.

*never once was in this position that would say

You should realise then that just because someone is a 'professional' does not mean that they are good people. A lot of people are out for themselves and it seems this man reeled you in by coming across as doting dad and capturing your attention with cute baby pics (a lot of women find good dads appealing) then maybe he thaught he might try his luck and by being persistant might have gotten a chance with you by changing your mind whilst you were drunk. Luckily it didnt go any further. Ive been in a few situations myself where ive had to really stress that no means no, imo these types are just chancers trying thier luck!
I hope im not coming across as condescending , it just scares me how vulnerable we make ourselves when drunk.
Maybe google gavin de becker, he has a book and youtube videos.

You should realise then that just because someone is a 'professional' does not mean that they are good people

That sounded like blaming me...but I thought that his proximity to a friend of mine made him ok. I had no idea he was even thinking about me in that way. We were talking about everything from work to holidays.

If anything I could blame one of the other women there. I knew a couple of others from work from about 3 years ago. we didnt get on anymore but we knew things about each other. She knew about my past relationship problems. I found out alot later that the woman I used to work with, even though we ignored each other that night and I said not a word about her, I was later told she slagged me off very loudly and in ear shot of me and lots of other people about my past relationship problems, which involved him cheating. This guy who later touched me up was one of the ones she told.

I think pp was trying to say anyone can be a baddun whether a doctor, lawyer or drug dealer - being a professional is no sign of whether your a sleaze or not. I'm pretty sure they were not saying it was your fault.

I think pp was trying to say anyone can be a baddun whether a doctor, lawyer or drug dealer - being a professional is no sign of whether your a sleaze or not. I'm pretty sure they were not saying it was your fault.

I know. I just feel a bit silly about the whole thing. I guess there is no point telling my friend the host. It was off her premises. Or having a go at the cow who told him all my past history that night when I havent seen her for years.

Sorry i did not mean to come across as though i was blaming you at all.
I think hes a creep but you let your guard down a little because you are all professionals and you thaught he was genuine. Its a shame because we should be able to let our hair down and enjoy ourselves without having to second guess that someone could be anything other than they present themselves to be but this creep is a fine example of why you just need to be a little bit cautious.
And maybe with this other woman telling people details about your private life, maybe he (in his warped mind) thaught you could have been vulnerable?
Im sorry this happened to you it is definitely a violation of your boundaries x

If anything I could blame one of the other women there.

No, the only person to blame is the man who touched you without permission. It doesn't matter what anyone else may or may not have said - he's an adult and could have chosen to treat you with respect and not put his hands all over you. Don't minimise it or try to push the blame onto anyone else. He crossed a line well before he put his hand between your legs, tights or not.

Age and professionalism doesn't stop this sort of behaviour - some men never stop trying to try it on, and some will abuse their professional position to do so. Some men understand what consent actually means, and moving someone's hands off you is not any sort of consent. Touching someone who is asleep and unaware means they haven't consented.

And maybe with this other woman telling people details about your private life, maybe he (in his warped mind) thaught you could have been vulnerable?

Yes I think that was it exactly. I almost didnt go to the party because she was going. We dont like each other but I hadnt seen her for 2 years so I was prepared to be civil. I said hello and looked right through me so it got off to a good start. She then was apparently telling people stuff I told her in confidence about my relationship history when we used to be close. It is a discourtesy I would never afford her nor anyone else, as I am neither childish nor vindictive.

She had told it all wrong as well, embellishing it, making me look really bad when it wasnt true. If she told him that, which she apparently did, he would have thought I was game maybe.

I am a bit alarmed by it but I guess there is nothing to be done here. I also feel taken aback that he seemed so into his lovely family but when off the leash look how he behaves.

No, the only person to blame is the man who touched you without permission. It doesn't matter what anyone else may or may not have said - he's an adult and could have chosen to treat you with respect and not put his hands all over you. Don't minimise it or try to push the blame onto anyone else. He crossed a line well before he put his hand between your legs, tights or not.

Yes. Again you are right.