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Relationships

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Original poster

Changing child's names after abuse.

14 replies

Stormcloud10 · 09/12/2016 20:15

Hi everyone,

I had my oldest son at 17, his biological sperm donor was very abusive and was convicted of physically abusing him when he was 3 months old, I have a non direct court order which has ran every since and he's had no contact since then, my son is now nearly 12.

Unfortunately he has his name on his birth certificate and I was recently pulled up going through the airport, I have since married so my name on my birth certificate now doesn't match my passport name. They were fine at the airport after questioning me but said I could have a problem every time we fly. I want to change it by deed poll but I've been told I need his permission, which one, I don't want to have to speak to him and two, I actually don't know where he is or where to find him these days.

Has anyone been in similar circumstances? It must happen.
Many thanks,
Storm

OP posts:

childmaintenanceserviceinquiry · 09/12/2016 20:31

Go to court with an application, documenting the circumstances and previous history including the non direct court order.

ICESTAR · 09/12/2016 20:39

My friend changed her daughter's name when her bf was violent and pulled out a fake weapon on her so he can't find her. She was young though. He failed to turn up to court so he got all his parental rights revoked until she was 18 and she could decide herself. I don't know how it works for older but it can be done.

Kel1234 · 09/12/2016 20:43

Hi, unfortunately I'm not sure you will be able to.
I'm my mums eldest. She was with abusive man, (not my dad), they had a child, my brother. His name is on the birth certificate. Anyway eventually things got so bad, I (at 15 years old) got him arrested. We went to trial in crown court and everything. He (fortunately) hasn't seen his son since we left him and has made no effort to at all, and hopefully never will.
However my mum was told that she can not legally change my brothers surname without his permission, because he is named as the father.
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, and I completely disagree with the system, but I think you may be out of luck I'm afraid.

Kel1234 · 09/12/2016 20:45

Sorry should of said, he was abusive to women, my mum included. He also threatened us with a knife several times. Still they refused. But worth a try I guess

NaughtyNiffler · 09/12/2016 20:47

Go to court with application, as mentioned above. I have been through a situ very similar to yours but during the processing of the indirect contact order I asked for a name change to be included and it was. You can change it by deedpoll but for passports you will need a court order

Original poster

Stormcloud10 · 09/12/2016 20:55

Just to add, my parents also share parental responsibility (part of the court order at the time) so if I went back to court this would also hopefully help. I might dig the number out for my solicitor at the time.

I hope I can change it. Although I did have to laugh snarl afterwards at the little sod threatening to pretend not to know who I was next time, lovely kid

OP posts:

MrsBertBibby · 09/12/2016 20:55

Do you mean your son's biological father is named as father on you son's birth certificate, or just that your son's surname on his birth certificate is that of his biological farher?

Original poster

Stormcloud10 · 09/12/2016 20:59

MrsBertBibby both

OP posts:

Sammygold · 10/12/2016 07:02

You need to make an application for a Specific Issue Order in order to change his surname. If you are not aware of the bio father's whereabouts the court will attempt to locate it and then will serve him with an order with a direction for him to attend court. If he fails to attend then it's likely you will be granted permission to change your son's surname. If he does attend and objects, then the court will hear both your views and make a decision. However you will be unable to get his name taken off the birth certificate. Though his bio father sounds despicable, he is still part of your son's identity which you can't delete from history.

MrsBertBibby · 10/12/2016 07:13

It sounds to me as if you'd be better off leaving it. You don't want to poke this sleeping dog unless you have to.

If the issue is just the airport inconvenience, travel with a copy of his birth certificate and your marriage certificate.

Spottytop1 · 10/12/2016 07:17

I changed my children's no problems - I said he didn't see them and we didn't know where he was ( all true)

Usedandabusedimhurting · 10/12/2016 08:05

www.deedpoll.org.uk/CanIChangeMyChildsName.html

It can be done, scroll down to number 6and7 and have a read. I hope that helps

MrsBertBibby · 10/12/2016 08:19

As a family solicitor, may I observe that that deed poll thing is what is referred to in legal circles as a load of old bollocks?

chuntersalot · 10/12/2016 08:46

The Deed Poll thing and children isn't a great option, I agree. Not sure of the exact circumstances but my Mum changed my surname by deed poll and it has caused me nothing but issues in adult life. Passport applications and security clearances fill me with dread because I don't have the 'right' kind of evidence to prove the surname I was 'known as' from the date of the deed poll until my marriage.

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