Just to warn you I'm verbose by nature, especially when stressed, so here goes...
My husband and I have been friends for over 30 years of and on, due to sometimes living very far apart, and a couple for 12. We have a 5 y old DS. But although I still know him to be a loving and fun father, and to care about me, I really think my marriage might be over.
He purchased an existing business 5 years ago, in a field he is passionate about but I have no interest in at all. He struggled to run it and asked me to quit my job (which was stressful, but I did love) to help him run his business, which I did. Make no mistake this was partly to get away from the more stressful aspects of my job and to make childcare easier for me. It wasn't a completely selfless act on my part. Not totally.... Anyhew, since he first took over this business we've been drifting and its only got worse since we started working together. We get on amicably enough, but he has no interest in my life. He never wants to go anywhere with me, unless we're taking my son somewhere or going to the cinema to watch a film he's interested in. I'm not a massive party girl or someone who needs to be lavished with expensive gifts or taken on extravagant dates, but I do like to pop down the pub for a drink with friends, or out to dinner, or even just out for nice walks sometimes. I'd like us to spend some quality time together, just us. like we used to all the time. And we don't. Its like dragging blood out of a stone. I do some sporting activities, some at a competitive level. He never asks about them. We went away with family recently and they frequently asked him to take me out saying they'd look after our DS. He flat refused to the point where our family thought we had major money worries and maybe that's why he won't go out. I spent much of the holiday making excuses for him and asking them to stop asking. We're not loaded but we can afford a walk on a beach FFS. He never does anything around the house except take the bins out, put an occasional load of laundry on, and maybe walk the dog now and again. He does what I call guilt cleaning if he thinks I'm pissed off with him but even that's petered out now. He never does anything for our son that isn't something he also finds fun. They race radio control cars together, ride bikes, but really other than that he doesn't do anything with him. He's loving and fun as a daddy, don't get me wrong, he thinks the world of his boy, but he never for example practices reading with him, gets a packed lunch ready, turns off his friggin iPad to have a conversation with his son. He never turns it off to speak to me anymore. We used to talk about everything. He's frequently up until the small hours of the morning. He's also useless at work. I've tried really hard to let him lead as it is his business but the business is failing because of his lack of drive and proactive-ness. Stuff just never gets done if its left to him. The staff are at breaking point with his chaotic and messy approach to work and how hard it is to get anything out of him. Growing up he was always busy, always doing stuff. Its becoming clear he was always being forced to do things by someone. I've had to make the difficult decision to take control and start treating him like a member of staff to drive the business forward and out of near financial disaster. And even so he can't seem to do even the most critical of tasks that he simply has no choice but to do, in my eyes, or the business will fail. Basically I've come to realise that he will always do what he wants to do in any given moment no matter what the consequences. If we are to achieve anything I have to make it happen. We recently moved house and I had to take complete responsibility for that. I took on a second job to keep our finances afloat and have a third and forth in the pipeline. He suggested a fifth. This is making him sound worse than he is, although its all true. But he brings so much stress to my life and nothing good to balance it out or make it worth while. I used to feel so safe with him, now I feel like he daily throws me under the proverbial bus. he used to be fun, now he's just a drain on my life. I'm hesitating leaving him because our DS would be devastated. I'm also hesitating because of guilt. He was diagnosed with a slow growing but terminal brain tumour some years ago. He has no symptoms now and is likely to continue that way for many years (decades) but it will catch up with him eventually. How can I walk away from my friend when I know he has that coming? And, selfishly, I'm worried my son will hate me when he finds out I left his father knowing about this illness. I don't know what to do. I avoid his touch. We don't talk unless we have to. I'm exhausted by dragging him through life and don't think I can cope any more. My family, who until recently completely adored him, are infuriated by him. What do I do?
Sorry, mega post.