Help aimbu MIL

[Katiekins86]

I really need a sanity check.

I am 31 weeks pregnant possibly very hormonal... I have a 15month old son who I adore and treasure every moment with. I have breastfed him and we are still going, we cosleep and we also enjoy uppies in the wraps.

We are very close and I have given up work to be a house wife and start our family (lucky me). When i fell pregnant with number 2 I was told I will need help and of course MIL was right there.. so to start with she had him for an hour or 2 and they went to a class. I didn't mind this I knew where they were what they were doing and when they would be back. Slowly it's evolved with them sneaking extras in and now they want him the whole day. I panic every week when he leaves, I HATE it. There is totally no relief when he leaves i just spend the whole time tidying and wishing he was home.

Each week i find some issue that makes it worse the next week and my OH doesn't really bring it up with her and I don't feel able to. I hate conflict. Things like no bum change, no veggies just junk food, back late so his dinner is cold, driving round and getting back late just because he's fallen asleep in the car seat... buying a cot without consulting me. (I feel like she assumes he will stay the night!)

I just dread the day each week. Will I really need her when baby 2 arrives? Am i being unreasonable? I just want to batten down the hatches and retreat somewhere with my little guy.

Help, I'm driving myself insane

He's your son - if you don't want him to go to her, he doesn't go

Yes he's your son and therefore you say where he does and don't go

BUT...don't burn the bridge if you can help it

This close to your due date you are going to need help. For example when you're in labour and in hospital.

You might want a break with the newborn

You won't need her when the baby arrives, but you may appreciate a little help every so often. But that should be exactly that. Help. Not stress! So if you don't want it, you are totally at liberty as his mother to say "thanks, but no thanks", or "not this time, but I'd love some help for an hour next week if you're free?".

I'm like you - I just love having my kids around, and I don't find it a burden or particularly tiring (most of the time..!). I do let them go off with others, but that's more for the sake of the kids than because I need a break!

So take people up on their offers if and when it suits you, but don't feel pressured to hand your children over if you're not happy.

If it was your husband at home, and you just didn't like the idea of your son being out with your in-laws, then I'd say it was more something to decide together with the main career (DH), but as you are the one who will be "inconvenienced" if he stays at home, I think it's very much your call.

Nesting hormones are mostvlikely kicking in. Don't burn any bridges bit feel free to decline a visit. Just gently ease them out of the expectation of having him. You may find you do need the help or not. If it's stressing you out, then it's not helping.

Thank you, what would you give as a reason? I know its so petty but they will ask if he's sick etc or they can have him a different day 😲 I'm such a conflict wimp

Just be truthful. Say you really miss him when he's not around and that a couple of hours is ok but the whole day is too long. You could also say it's causing real problems with his sleeping at night being out of his routine for a day. If they say "but he loves it" just smile and repeat "I really miss him, but a couple of hours is fine and he'll still love that and it'll mean he can have a good night's sleep" If they begin to insist, then just say you gave up work to be able to spend time with him and you feel lucky not to have to spend too long without him while he's still little... but a couple of hours is ok. If they then take him but it turns into ages, then put your foot down and stop him going.

Say that you want to spend as much time as possible and have some special mummy and son time / activities before your new baby arrives. Xx

Thank you ladies will rry this approach xxx

Definitely make the excuse but stand firm and repeat repeat repeat, I think if I was you I would think of an excuse/white lie that would work in the long term eg he has been getting very tearful and clingy at bedtime and you want to be with him all the time in run up to having a sibling and after. Your compromise could be they can spend time with him at your house. Say you understand they are disappointed but you feel it's best for your child. I think with any childcare as the parent you have to feel comfortable and like you trust them and that any issues can be resolved, fundamentally you should feel really impressed with the care they are providing and that the break really benefits you, otherwise it is v v v unpleasant and potentially damaging to both you and your child. I only felt this with a nursery, never with any in laws unfortunately. Sounds like it is too soon and they are the wrong people.

You won't really need her when baby 2 arrives, though it would be great if she could change her expectations so that she helps you with them without taking one away and stays with you ie time at home and trips to GP etc. If she refuses to do this I'm sure you will manage fine without her. It's got to benefit you not them. Sounds like it's what they want not what you want at the moment.

The fact that your man is also unable and seemingly also unwilling to stand up for his own self here is also a concern.

You really do need to assert your own self here. Suggest something along the lines makeitrain is saying and repeat ad nauseum.

Who did actually state you would need more help; his mother?. Help is good if it is right; she does not sound suitable to look after your child. Is this really about her meeting some needs within her rather than your child?. You also need to be able to express your own wishes to her; perhaps you do not do this also because of her nature. Is she for instance overbearing?.