Are we over??

[user1481196714]

Me (24) and my partner (34) have been together 9months and He took me on with my fours kids and he is a fantastic dad. But he got depressed and down because it turned his world upside down. He went to the doctors to get some depression pills but he couldn't get an erection for months. It put so much stress on our relationship. He ended up talking to another girl and he kissed her once. They spoke for about 5 week and he stopped talking to her then a week later she messaged me telling me everything, I was heartbroken and it killed my confidence and haven't everything I done to look after him and stay by his side he did this to me. I do love him and want to be with him and he has done everything to make it up to me and also changed hi depression pills and is going counselling. But I have lost my trust in him and my self worth. We are still best friends but that's all it feels like. He is scared I will leave him. We kiss and cuddle and have fun but we barely have sex we have lost all intimacy in our relationship and right now I need that to feel close to him again. I don't know what to do. I want to marry him I understand his mistake and so does he. He is laying everything he has for our relationship

Nine months in and you considering him a good dad to your kids and you think you've not rushed in?

No you don't have to take advice but seriously give yourself a slap because you have rushed in.

I come on here for advice on how to start trusting him and to get our lives back on track, not to be put down and made to feel my relationship is a pile of shit.

It's not about what you think you asked for but what you say. People are jumping on your relationship because you:

Ask in the title if its over, this along with the tone of the initial post gives the impression that you think it is.

You also Tell us that he blames being with you for his depression. This makes most of us worry for you as it comes across as him blaming you for everything bad. Depression has no rhyme or reason most of the time and blaming it on someone is super shitty.

You also say there is no physical intimacy but yet he has been overstepping boundaries with another woman.

You also tell us you can't trust him and feel like just friends.

Read that again and tell me if you think it sounds like a relationship that's not even a year old.

I think it's quite a lot being in a relationship with a partner who has 4 children, that you immediately become a role model to. That places you under a lot of pressure and it might just be that it's too much for him.

You have 4 children to consider. Those children have formed an emotional connection to him and he doesn't sound very reliable at all. Think about their feelings and emotions when he comes in and out of your life down the line.

Added to that ... and I'm honestly not being patronising here ... but you're quite young to be dealing with all this hassle.

At 24, with 4 kids, you must have your hands full and I question whether you need the added stress of an unfaithful boyfriend (he's not a partner at this stage) in your life.

I'm not saying it can't work out, but bearing in mind the amount of work required to rebuild the broken trust ... is it really worth it? Only you can answer that.

you started the thread with a question - are we over?

people told you the answer based on what you said

now you seem to be saying "well it's not like that, we're not over"

So -- you do what you want to do. However, just so you know, it's EXTREMELY clear that this relationship is going to make you even more miserable. Probably soon.

It doesn't have to be over. I mean... it SHOULD be over. but it sounds like you don't want it to be, so you're going to keep going.

It's a stupid decision but it's yours to make. Good luck, remember your children will suffer for your decisions too