Kids meeting BF

[BumDNC]

I'm ready for the replies - give me your opinions good or bad.

BF of six months, he has 3 young I have 2 teens.
He is super keen for a meet up.
I am serious about him although not in a moving in way. We've never had a row once ever, although I did recently post about him being possibly insecure about my feelings for him that have no basis and it's a non issue to be fair.
But that's his worst point and I haven't found any others. He's fair and kind and lovely and I love him.

I have a handful of a teen DD who I think will never be ready for sharing mummy. Both sets of kids have step parents on the other sides already. I've got it wrong before and don't want to again.

I'm wary as teen DD quite likely doesn't want to share me. But he's a good guy and I feel in time he will grow on her.

I just don't know when is the right time. 6 months? A year? When?

I'd give your teen a bit more time to get used to the idea. It's hard to specify a timeframe, but if she realised him in your life won't affect your relationship with her, then she may be okay.

After all you've been with him for 6 months and she hasn't noticed .. right?

Well she knows about him now. He's bought me things that I have had to explain or called me or text me and she's 14 so she has noticed and asked me and I didn't want to lie to her. Also she says she's happy he seems to make me happy. Apart from that there is no over lap into our lives.

I am the wary one - he's very keen recently. I've been considering meeting his first and him not meeting mine yet. I don't think putting them all together first would be helpful. My DD has the potential to be like a bit of a grenade and I think she could be purposefully offputting (on purpose) and I don't want to inflict that on her, him, me or his kids.

I am just being casual about it but I don't know how to prepare her over the next few months. It has solid legs so far, so I feel confident it's a long term. But how can you ever know?

There's no rush. I'd wait until you're a 100 percent. You've got a few niggles about his insecurities. Don't be pressurised into this and wait until you and your children are ready. If he gets arsey then it shows that your suspicions are correct.

Well, I don't think you should give your teen the "power" to stop you having him in your life.

But I am wondering WHY you need to meet each other's kids?

You say he's insecure about your feelings, and that he's super keen to (my deliberately leading words!) play happy families.

I'm all for early introductions if they're natural.

But I wonder if he just wants you all to meet as proof/reassurance that you're serious about him? That's not a good reason - your kids (and his) shouldn't be used to serve his emotional insecurity.

I would say no to meeting for now, there's no reason to. Whilst keeping your daughter vaguely in the loop that you might all meet up sometime - so you can start to deal with her feelings about it.

Indeed. One can't know. Knowing it has legs is as good as it gets. What you do know it's what's best for your dd. For some 14-years-olds, 6 months in is OK, others not. There is absolutely no reason why all the kids need to meet the new person at the same time. If he's keen for you to meet his kids that's his decision, go for it. If it's too soon for your dd then that's also fine. Wait. Teenage girls have a harder time adjusting to mum being in a new relationship so yoi go with your gut, stick to what's right for your dc.

In my case BF met my two in a very laid back way 5 months in but we are now a 9+ month old relationship and I have yet to meet his daughter. There are good reasons why that timescale work on his side. It's fine. Kids' needs are paramount here.

Also, theoretically, if it's a good relationship you have all the time in the world. No need to rush.