Feel Like I'm Going Insane

[ReallyBloodyBoredNow]

I need some help or advice as I really feel like I'm going mad, or turning into a complete bitch., one of the two.
I've been with my bf about a year and Im not sure what is going on. We've always had a, shall we say passionate relationship, in as such we are both fiesty and quite opionated. Never violent but often heated verbal confrontations, but recently I just feel like I'm going mad with it all, please tell me I'm not imagining this.
I don't even know how to begin explaining what has been happening but I will try.
We argue alot, there have been some big changes for us both recently, but whenever we disagree it always ends up being my fault.
I'm drunk/hormonal /being silly/being unreasonable. What starts off as a simple sharing of different opinions always becomes how I'm trying to cause an argument. The thing is he agrees with nothing I say, nothing
Now while I understand that it takes two to argue it's that if my opinion is different to his it's wrong.
When he says he wants something done one way he'll ask my opinion, explain his point of view then just keep repeating his view until I end up getting the hump. I'll go quiet or try and the change the subject but he will keep revisiting it or saying things like baby why are you being silly. He says everything he does is to make me happy and doesn't understand what more he can do. He asks if I'm due on or tells me to go and calm down. I get so frustrated which then annoys me. I try not to react, but even the times when I agree for an easy life he goes on and on until I am pissed off. It feels like once I get to this stage he starts talking calmly and lovingly asking me to calm down or stop getting angry. I really am beginning to feel like there's something wrong with me because I'm left feeling like bitch and he starts the charm offensive.
Sometimes he has been damn right out of order/rude and on these occasions, during the course of a normal disagreement he will apologise, ask me to forgive him assure me understands and cam see where he went wrong. In the past when we've talked about things and I think issues are resolved as soon as we get back to cuddling or being happy he starts making little 'funny' comments about it being because I was moody or tired. It's like he just telling me it wasn't his fault, it was caused by me. Im probably not explaining this very well, this is what I mean I'm always left feeling like I'm being unreasonable.
He has said to me in the past that it's because I don't like myself and know how to let someone love me but I don't agree. Yes I have had a shit relationship in the past but I worked alot on my issues and actually felt completely in control and at peace with myself when I met him. I have tried to break it off with him before but he bombards me with messages / contact and within days it's blown over. He acts like there's nothing wrong and it was just a 'silly disagreement' and I'm left wondering in a confused state what it actually was that I had caused a huge drama out of.
I've been unhappy in previous relationships but have never felt anything like this. Do you think this is just a case of two people who need to communicate better and that it can be worked on or am actually loosing the plot.

Thanks for your advice, you're right, I'm a very instinctive person and in my heart I know I'm not, unreasonable, unstable or impossible, like he says I am. Yes I can be sensitive but I also know in the past when I've been uncomfortable or upset by someone I've always been able to approach them and discuss rationally, with him I can't do that, I know my thoughts or feelings are just going to be dismissed so Im learning to avoid the situation and instead I just go quiet, which of course gives him the perfect excuse to act the victim and cast me as the sulky, distant villain. I guess I need to try and just keep the peace until January when I can then tell him I'm done.

The good in this relationship doesn't balance out the absolute shit that he's dishing out. Don't make the mistake of thinking it's worth taking the crap to keep the good. That's how abusive relationships start - and he absolutely has the potential to be emotionally abusive (I think he is already TBH)
It won't get any better, so you need to accept that it has to end if you want to be sane and happy in life.

Tipsy the decision to move in was based on financial and practical reasons, I had a male lodger, he didn't like this, it caused lots of problems, which I can kind of understand. He felt insecure about this. He had his own reasons for wanting to move from where he was so we kind of thought living together would resolve alot of our, what seemed like relatively small issues at the time. What I actually realise now is the problems will always be there but just in different forms, well unril I'm completely compliant with his wants,wishes and thoughts they will be present. He has a young child that stays with us half the week (we never argue in front of the child and I do my best to avoid any. Conflict while the child is here, my tactics must be working because the child loves being here. But on the same note I can not and will not ask him, and as a result disrupt his child's life, three weeks before Christmas. Financially it would also be a nightmare for both of us and we also have eachothers parents over for Christmas day, he's idea that I'm now desperately regretting.

I'll just need to wait it out and paste my I'm happy' face on until after the big day. At least it gives me time to prepare for the backlash I'll receive. I'll be all kind of bitches for making him and his child homeless, thanks again for your views/advice, it's nice to know I'm not sounding like the complete bitch he makes me feel.

it caused lots of problems, which I can kind of understand. He felt insecure about this

Oh god no. This isn't ok and you shouldn't even slightly understand this. You also shouldn't have indulged it by letting him move in. That's a red flag right there.

Hello OP

I am a few days ahead of you in my realisation that my relationship was super unhealthy. He always has to be right and batters you with the same sins, imagined and otherwise time and time again. Yet he reminds you that he's perfect and how much he does for you. You think you're going crazy... It will never end unless you end it. And yes, once a man starts with the period whipping boy I think embarassingly for them I have lost total respect.

My relationship is over, it is day 3 - since then he has tried to bombard me with love and photographs, etc, then day 2 yesterday, was fire and brimstone. I would never be able to trust him again.

He used to say I was unprofessional and shouldn't be friends with the lodger, that I should just keep it to a basic hello /goodbye. He thought that i was giving the wrong signals, I just thought I was being courteous, but it got to the point where I didn't want to talk to the lodger if he was here because of the arguments it would cause. Yes a major red flag, I can see that now but he told me all his friends agreed with him and it was just out of concern he's very good at making me see and understand his point of view.

Yes user I've experienced that, when I've ended it previously he swings between undying love and eternal worship to I'm damaged and basically a shit person. It's like a desperate child trying to get his way. It's interesting because he's previous long term relationship ended strangely, she basically just upped and left, he knew nothing about where she was etc. She got a friend to collect all of her things and basically went nc for a while, this decision is making more sense to. E now. Well done user Im glad you found the strength to make the move.

Cant you end it before christmas? Why waste time x

His last DP up and just vanished out of his life? That's revealing. She must have been pretty desperate to get away by then, and determined to break off any contact. That's how you will feel if you go on letting him demolish your self confidence.

However it sounds as if you have realised in good time just how creepy all this manipulation is. That business about the lodger... Of course he wanted him out, and now he's got his feet under your table. Even the fact that you're now stuck with the bastard until after Christmas. I can see why you don't want to unsettle his child but are you sure you can't get free before Christmas? Could you not go to your DPs? It's going to be terribly uncomfortable now your eyes are open to his games.

Since this post I've done alot of reading up about the things you have said, the advice given regarding his possible behaviour problems and I've also spoken to close friends, something I've never done before. I did finish it with him and made arrangements to leave to give him space to get his things and go. This caused lots of problems, during which he swung between hatred, anger, tears and finally begging me to explain, which I did. We went through everything in a calm and rational manner, without insults surprisingly. He told me things I do that make him feel unhappy, some of which I acknowledge and I pointed out the emotional abuse he intentionally or unintentionally inflicts. We have put in place some 'ground rules' some guidelines surrounding open and non critical communication and I have been advised on some coping techniques for if and when his old habits reoccur. For the time being we both seem to putting the effort in and following the things we discussed. In the meantime I now know I can talk to my friends, that it's not me, that I'm not crazy and that I have supported, this helps immensely. In an ideal world we will work through this but now I'm no doubt that if the pattern begins again I will just go, make him leave, go nc in the meantime and only return once he has left. Knowing I have a plan if I need it has given me the confidence I need. So for now I'm happy to work at it, enjoy Christmas and begin the new year working on what I do believe could be a happy relationship. Worse case scenario I have the tools in place to recognise the abuse for what it is and write him completely out of my life knowing I tried as much as I could, thanks ladies, I know you won't agree and think my only options was to ltb but all of your advice has made me realise I'm not ready yet, I do get something from him I am not ready to loose but also that I have the power to change this if he stops trying (as he is since our chat) to treat me how I deserve.

Well done Really