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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Difficulty finding MOJO for DH

17 replies

IdidntAskToBeBorn · 07/12/2016 20:33

I know there must be many threads out there/here about my topic but can't find them.

Ok so I have been married to my DH for 4 years and have been together for 6. We have been close from day one and he is my best friend. We have 5 children between us and both work.

I find it hard to get in the mood and feel I'm letting my DH down. He is understanding and doesn't put pressure on me. I find him handsome and he is a great man.

Is it me??

OP posts:

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 07/12/2016 20:43

Any reason why this is in feminism?

Perhaps ask for it to be moved to relationships (or even the sex topic)

Original poster

IdidntAskToBeBorn · 07/12/2016 20:55

I'm really sorry, I'm new to all of this. How do I move it?

OP posts:

Butterymuffin · 07/12/2016 20:58

Report your post, by clicking on the three little dots at the bottom, and either ask HQ to move it to Relationships, or ask them to just delete it and go into Relationships yourself and start another thread there.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 07/12/2016 20:59

Report your post using the three dots and ask for it to be moved - you might get more responses in Relationships - the people in there are rather knowledgeable about stuff like this

Original poster

IdidntAskToBeBorn · 08/12/2016 08:09

Where are the three dots? I'm using the app. Sorry!

OP posts:

Xenophile · 08/12/2016 08:30

I'll report it for you.

Original poster

IdidntAskToBeBorn · 08/12/2016 08:42

Thank you! Sorry to be a pain. I'm sure I'll get the hang of this soon

OP posts:

Xenophile · 08/12/2016 09:15

It's absolutely fine, hopefully they'll move it for you soon.

And welcome to mumsnet

MNHQ

LornaMumsnet · 08/12/2016 09:46

Hello!

We're moving this to relationships now.

Thanks for reporting Xenophile

Original poster

IdidntAskToBeBorn · 08/12/2016 13:19

Thank you all

OP posts:

Happybunny19 · 08/12/2016 14:13

Any outside influences such as the pill, anti-depressants etc?

When you are getting it on do you find yourself getting into it? I know sometimes it's easy to not bother initiating things, but actually really enjoying it if you just give it a go iyswim.

How's everything else between you? Do you have much physical affection, laughs, flirting? I wonder if you've hit the humdrums and need to recapture why you fell for each other.

Bauble16 · 08/12/2016 14:16

I think sometimes life takes over and we forget about that side of things. It's quite a normal thing to experience so id not worry if your otherwise happy.

Vagabond · 08/12/2016 14:40

You say you think he's handsome. But that's a bit of a blah description. Do you still fancy him? Do you want to kiss him, but you're too tired?

When you do end up getting intimate, do you enjoy or it or grit your teeth? Do you ever feel "gawd, it's been two weeks, I'm going to have to face the music and get this over with".

Where do you fit in the above?

Original poster

IdidntAskToBeBorn · 08/12/2016 17:44

I do think he looks sexy. We kiss daily, & he tries to give me a full on snog which I don't want most of the times.

With the sex I do feel like it's part of a household chore. I do find it hard to get wet (sorry for the graphical information) so when we do come to DTD he rummages through his bedside draw to find the lube.

I must admit I do enjoy it at times but he never seems to want to do things quickly. I feel exhausted most of the time and put out to satisfy his needs.

I do love him dearly. He feels insecure at times as we don't do it every other week it can go on longer. We are only in our 30's so I feel I should be in my prime.

OP posts:

Bauble16 · 08/12/2016 18:53

Op if you are happy staying with your DH then I wouldn't say anything was wrong. Sometimes we get comfortable and at times if left too long things can even feel a bit awkward. If you want to improve things then try doing things more often if your up to it. Sex begets sex!

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 08/12/2016 19:32

You have 5 children between you and you both work? There's your answer for you.

Tip that worked for me: when you're knackered and pouring out love to your DC all and every day, you end up drained. Sex quickly becomes a chore. It's just one more thing on an endless list.

What I did was to change how I saw it, that sex wasn't something I had to do for him, but that it was a special time for us both that had the power to make me feel energized and gorgeous. I started to "treat myself" to sex and, oddly enough, it worked like a charm. Not immediately, but it did. And sharing that intimate, wholly adult time together made us so much happier. Sex is more than sex, iyswim.

Original poster

IdidntAskToBeBorn · 08/12/2016 20:18

Yes I know it sounds very bad 5 children and now lacking the urge to have sex. I just find it hard to become aroused but I suppose that's down to my busy life plans.

We have very rare time with one another and when we do the time seems to rapidly fly past us. My DH is looking at taking us away for our 5 year anniversary so maybe I might feel a little more relaxed and feel more compliment. Although will be missing the children.

I must say I've not really thought about putting it in the sense of adult time. Time is pretty restricted with everyday life but I should try to spend some more quality time with him

OP posts:

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