I've been married a couple of months, but been with him for 5. When we first got together one of his female friends would randomly start publicly messaging him on Facebook asking him if he wanted to meet etc. I found this quite bizarre, because a text would have been more appropriate. I quickly realised it was for my benefit but it was laughable so I brushed it off. Over time he told me that she was very ill, had been sexually abused as a child, and led a difficult life. He said she was in a wheelchair and was not doing so good. I had a lot of sympathy for her, and encouraged him to see her/ text her whenever I enquired how she was. He always said he'd been busy and would later. I'd tell him what a shit friend he was and we'd moved on. He would always say she's temperamental and falls out with this so he kept things distant and civil. It was always clear to me, in the way she's texted him that she had feelings for him. I asked him if they had history and he said that she had asked him out but he was never interested. Something about her screamed needy and desperate. She never sat easy with me and his responses never did anything to alleviate my suspicions. I knew he wasn't having an affair but I always felt he was hiding something.
When we decided to get married he text her and invited her to the wedding. She responded by saying he was insensitive for inviting her and wanted space from him. A few days later she text him to say she was getting married too. We both laughed and he called her a crazy psycho, who was attention seeking again. He said her illness, abuse stories were all questionable because she liked drama. I told him he shouldn't be entertaining her because she clearly has feelings for him. Her Twitter was full of cryptic unrequited love statuses/quotes. She had asked him to help her out financially but he led her on making her think he would help, but didn't because it 'was too much commitment and not worth the risk'. She got angry and cut off contact. This 'I'm leaving whatsapp, need space for a while' was a constant occurrence. But she'd always be back days, weeks later.
After we got married, she text him asking how old I was etc and if they wanted to meet. Coincidentally he was driving and I was holding his phone. He asked me to check the message and then said he wasn't going to reply. She text him again later at midnight asking if I was asleep. I was seriously annoyed at this point because I just found her wholly inappropriate. He didn't respond because I was around most likely, so surprise surprise - she sent him a 'I'm leaving whatsapp, need space' message. We argued and he promised to block her. He did. I was still uneasy and kept checking his phone, he had unblocked her. I felt like such a possessive wife for doing this, but I couldn't shake off the negativity about her.
It was quiet for the next few months and once or twice I'd asked him if he had heard from her and he said no.
Earlier this week my curiosity got the better of me and I checked his phone to see if she'd been in touch. He's deleted his Facebook icon. I went on his messenger and found that she had messaged him earlier in the day. From the gist of the conversation it had clearly been a while since they had spoken. She began by mocking him for not being 'allowed to have female friends'. He apologised profusely for cutting contact with her, saying that i was territorial and he had to cut of female contact until things had settled. I was livid - this was never about 'women', it was about her only. He tried to talk about other things, but she always brought the conversation back to me, asking how he 'calmed me down' and if he was allowed to hang out. She called me petty and saying he had upset her but she realised he was helpless. Predictably, her Twitter then exploded with 'insecure women' quotes.
I feel so betrayed by him and humiliated that he allowed her to talk about me like that an indulged in it himself. I have never stopped him having female friends or communicating with anyone. He refuses to see that he has done anything wrong. I think that he will just be careful now but still continue his contact with her in secret.