I don't want to drip feed, but I'll try and keep this as brief as I can...
My partner's dad lives in NY with his wife and 7 year old daughter (I have never met any of them) and has done since my partner was 19 (he's now 25). The last time my partner saw his dad was in 2013, when he paid for my partner and my partner's sister to visit and stay with him for 3 weeks. Since then, my partner has had a child (my SD - she's 2, 3 in Feb) but his father has never met her. We visited Florida for 3 weeks this summer with my family and the three of us were supposed to fly to NY for one of the weekends, but unfortunately my SD caught chicken pox which meant that we couldn't go and see him. This meant that we lost out on the £1000+ that we had paid for flights (my partner's dad hadn't contributed to this) as they were non-refundable.
My partner was devastated as he really misses his dad and wanted him to meet his daughter.
We have discussed the idea of going to NY several times since, but my partner's mother thinks that his dad should come here at least once to see his children and granddaughter before we 'make the effort' to fly over there. I do understand where she is coming from with this - I think it comes across as bitter to my partner, but I can see why she would feel that way considering the fact that his dad never helped her out financially before or after he left the UK, despite the fact that his daughter was 15 when he moved away - but at the same time, I know how happy it would make my partner to be able to go and visit his dad - plus I would love to visit NY!
Now I'm pregnant and due in March, and my partner seems to be more determined than ever to go and visit his dad in NY. He has asked if we could go around September time, when our son will be 6 months old and my SD 3 1/2. We wouldn't necessarily struggle to pay for the flights, but we would want to book them around January time so we can try to get a good deal and also so that we can start planning things/let SD's mother know proper dates etc.
The problem is, I'm not sure whether or not we should go. My mother thinks that it would probably be a struggle with a six month old baby and has mentioned that I won't actually know what he's like until he's here - he could be an 'easy baby', or he could scream through the whole eight hour flight. I think she would prefer if I didn't go, but she is very supportive and also understands how important this would be to my partner.
My MIL is strongly against us visiting my partner's dad. She thinks that if we go, we will have a horrible time and won't be able to cope with a baby and a 3 1/2 year old; she says that it won't be a 'proper holiday', and she thinks that if we do go, then my partner's dad should 'at least' cover the cost of our flights.
I am in two minds about the whole thing. I would love to visit New York. I would love to be able to take my son and my step daughter there, no matter their ages. I would also love to meet my partner's dad and his family, and I would really love to see my partner happy.
But does my MIL have a point - would it be too difficult to take a six month old baby and a 3 1/2 year old to NY, keeping in mind the flight alone is 8 hours? Would it be 'easier' to wait until they are both older?
Yikes... So many questions. Sorry. Any advice on this matter would really be appreciated - I've never had to deal with anything like this before, and I'm not sure where to even start!