Feeling Low

[HelloYou1]

Myself and my husband separated about a year ago for what was meant to be a temporary period. He then told me he was with someone else, he came back to me for about a month in June but then left again and now lives with the other woman. We have 2 young children and see each other most days due to childcare. I've made no secret f the fact I'm completely devastated he is gone, it came completely out of the blue and I thought we had the perfect relationship. I have really been struggling recently, I think possibly just because of the time of the year and seeing other families getting ready for Christmas together, even though I have my children and lots of friends and family, I feel really lonely. The other day, he texted me and told me he missed talking to me, he always wants to know what I've been doing he sends mixed signals constantly but at the end of the day is still with her and showing no signs that that is likely to end anytime and it makes me so sad.
Sorry for the rant, just needed to get it all out!

Hell you,

Your ex is being an absolute dick. He is playing with you, messing with your head to keep you hanging on and keep you interested, his plan B, if you will. I would would ask him to stop texting and NC (or grey rock) over any further texts that are personal. Explain that any childcare arrangements can be done via email. How old are the kids?

Sounds like he is keeping you on the back burner ready for when his new relationship fails. Don't be the fall back option for him. It's time to start calling the shots and making a new life for yourself.

Start by having a set routine with the dc's that he needs to stick to. No turning up whenever he fancies just to see them. He made his choice to live elsewhere and that comes with consequences. Don't make his life easy for him to just waltz in and out of your home whenever he feels like it.

Only have contact/discussions with him about the dc's, or the house or whatever joint finances you both have. Do not give him information about your personal life, he has no right to know as you are not together anymore.

Make a life for yourself. Try and get out more with friends or family and over time you'll find that you dwell on your separation less and less. It takes time and determination but you'll get there.

I split with my dp 15 months ago and still feel sad about it sometimes. This Christmas will be a lot better than last year's though. I'll be keeping busy so that I don't have time to think about my previous life. There's no point in dwelling as there is no going back. I'm planning on starting afresh in the new year with a positive mindset and I'm going to be doing so many things I want to do, lots of plans and things to look forward to.

Don't be surprised if once you have moved on, your exdp suddenly wants to try again with you. He won't like it if he sees you're moving on and enjoying life without him. I guarantee it.

Agree with angleshades

You owe him nothing. He's clearly moved on & you need to do so as well. His actions are demonstrating what he thinks of you, which is not a lot.

Perhaps he feels guilty and that is why he is being friendly and showing an interest, because you are lonely and want him back you could be interpreting that to mean mixed signals when in fact, there are none there.

All you can do is move on, he's fucked you about enough.

You need to find things to occupy your mind, not him.

Keep messages polite and formal, limit conversations, use email for arrangement planning. He's playing around with you and he needs to be put in his place, firmly.