grumpy partner

[heathersmit]

Any advice on how best to cope with continuing up and down moods from a partner. We both work hard in the week. I tend to balance by planning meals / shopping / cooking in quieter evenings and occasionally working at night. He can come home stressed or if not stressed immediately, seems to slip into a mood shortly after. I can never quite figure at what point things are going wrong. He can be lovely on some occasions but they are getting fewer and far between. Any advice on how to deal...without going down the breaking up line (we have been together 14 years but I am on the road of thinking I have had enough)

Maybe over dinner ask him if he's ok, if he is happy with work and with your relationship. If he asks why, tell him he seems stressed and you just want to make sure everything is good. Hopefully he will open up to you.

None from me, I am in a similar situation and on the same road, you have my full sympathy. I've just asked my dh to talk to me nicely and his response was he won't bother talking to me at all. How's that going to work then?!

I have also found out he has lied about something quite major (money) and I can't be arsed to bring it up because I can't be arsed with the huff and pa nonsense that will ensue.

has he always been like this?

He does go through patterns of depression - unhappy at work - low mood. He seems stuck - work-wise and is quite inactive.
We do have some lovely days - mainly when he has leave - but we have some real rough days too.
I'm quite active and I get on with the group I train with. My husband doesn't want to come out in the group but does get jealous when I am out. Not sure if I am reinforcing behaviour by not directly challenging it. I genuinely love him but its hard to know how long to hold on for change.

My DH comes in and has 30mins to himself up in our room where he'll get changed, have a lie down with one of the cats and wind down.

I don't go up to him, nor does my daughter. He rings when he's on his way home and I can tell them how his day has left him and adjust accordingly. If he's tetchy I'll get on with other things myself and occasionally pop in to give him a kiss and ask him if he wants a drink or just take him one anyway.

I should just point out this is what he goes for me too when my day hasn't been great. If he's anything more than tetchy, I say 'excuse me?' Or 'you might want to rephrase that!' He know the next thing to come after that is me losing my shit with him too as I have standards! If I'm the one who is more than tech I disappear off into the bath and keep out of the way.

Thanks Josy...your message makes lots of sense. Just nice to know I'm not alone!

I don't think he will change. I've had over 20 years of it and all that has changed are my standards which have gradually slipped and I don't even bother with the ' excuse me' or ' please don't speak to me like that ' . In fact I have started to loose my own filter and be blunt with him now too.

Couldn't live in this kind of atmosphere, it's very damaging on your mental health, I'd have to have it out with him once and for all and if he makes no changes I'd have to go, it's no way to live.

I bet he's not like that at work or with everyone else, it's a choice OP and it's totally unfair on you.